


“Find something better to do with your life”

by pmw



Series: (Jasper) Post shattering [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Jasper Redemption (Steven Universe), Jasper Steven Universe Future, Steven Universe Future, Steven Universe Future Spoilers, Warning: negative thoughts, Warning: thoughts about self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:28:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 32,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23394034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pmw/pseuds/pmw
Summary: Set directly after Steven warped to Homeworld in “Homeworld Bound”.This is focused on Jasper, and her development from that moment to the last scene of the show she’s in.The whole fic occurs over the span of roughly 4 months.
Series: (Jasper) Post shattering [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1743868
Comments: 42
Kudos: 126





	1. Getting back to the cave.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m wanting to explore some negative thoughts and struggles I believe Jasper would of gone through based on my analysis of the character. And ultimately explore how she could begin to come to terms with past trauma, and learn to not hate her life on earth.
> 
> I won’t explore ships.
> 
> While this will include Lapis, I won’t explore the idea of her and Jasper becoming friends or getting into a relationship. But I will explore a form of resolution between the two.

As quickly as she thought she’d had it back, Jaspers purpose of giving up her life to serve and protect her diamond, it warped away from her. And she was heartbroken.

A frantic voice brought her back. Now was not the time to let herself express any emotions, she was still surrounded by the former traitors. 

“Jasper answer me! Why were you in the bathroom with Steven, and why are you calling him your diamond?” 

She looks down at Pink Diamonds former Pearl, quickly putting back on her disapproving expression she often wears. “I don’t answer to you.” She begins to leave before feeling a gemed hand touch her shoulder. 

“Jasper, please explain what happened. We can figure this out together.” The fusions voice was softer than Pearls. A light touch, and a gentle approach to try and extract information from her, wasn’t going to work.

Ignoring this, Jasper walked out of the garden, refusing to give the crystal gems the satisfaction of watching her expression quickly change back to a panicked and upset one. She made her way to the veranda outside of Stevens room, before jumping over the side landing on the warp pad resting on the hand of the structure resembling what she imagines is meant to be some sort of fusion of the gems she just left behind to weep without answers. 

Warping to little-homeworld, while undesirable, is quicker than walking the whole way back to her cave. Although she doesn’t want to admit it, she doesn’t have the energy to use her powers to pick up her speed either. She can hear the gems arguing, but activates the warp pad before she can try to focus on their words.

It wasn’t until her feet met the warp pad in the middle of the gem-made town that she registered it was still raining. 

She stepped off the pad and looked around to figure out what direction she would have to head in to get back to her cave. Unable to decipher which way that was, she just picked a direction to walk in. She’d be able to figure out which way to go once she reached the outskirts of this crummy place. 

As she walked, the rain made her hair heavy, and stick to her body. She slowly became aware of the fact that other gems were watching her walk in the rain. She quickly crossed her arms and looked at the ground ahead of her, furrowing her brows, trying to not let the damp hair that stuck in wet clumps to her face, get to her. She couldn’t hear their whispers over the numbing ring in her ears. Not that she would want to hear their gossip of her regardless.

She thought about her former diamond, Pink, lying to her army, to fight against everything she was made for, everything she valued, everything she forced herself to be. Jasper had removed every thought and doubt to carve herself into era 2 as well as she possibly could. Era 3 brought so much joy to so many gems around her, but era 3 isn’t for her. 

The news that her Diamond hadn’t been shattered was bittersweet at first, but even though she wasn’t shattered, she was still as gone as if she had of been. Steven was someone entirely separate, and because of that, the authority and everything that Jasper held onto for stability, everything she valued, was destroyed. Sure every gem was free to explore themselves and do what they want, but nothing that Jasper wants is allowed anymore.

Maybe it was her fault. Maybe Pink was so upset by Jaspers’ kindergarten that she wanted to tear apart the whole system. The war started before her kindergarten started production, her kindergarten was a rushed response to the war. 

Maybe her kindergarten was a disgrace on purpose. Pink could of been so angry at the system the authority had set up, that she punished her gems for it, by setting up her kindergartens so that they were destined to fail. 

Although it was only her kindergarten that was a mess, sure the Prime kindergarten produced at least one defect, but Amethyst was overcooked, Pink wouldn’t of known she would of happened, she’s an outlier... just like Jasper was. 

No, Jasper is nothing like her. She’s small, stayed in the ground too long. Jasper is big, her manifestation showing an ideal Quartz form. Her former image, not so much anymore. Surely she’s still better than the defect? She may be scarred, but at least she wasn’t disfigured from the beginning.

She’d let her focus stray to her thoughts, stopped paying attention to her hair stuck to her face, stopped paying attention to the rain falling around her, stopped paying attention to the feel of the water drops tapping her form, running down her hair, dripping onto her gem. She’s okay with rain, its just being submerged in pools of water that she has stopped being able to handle, although she wouldn’t admit that to anyone.

“W-what are you doing here? You don’t come here.” An awfully familiar voice. Her tone displayed only curiosity. Lapis wasn’t afraid of her, or if she was, she was hiding it well. 

It was her own fault. 

Sure Lapis had taken it too far, she didn’t need to trap her under the ocean for months in the fusion she tried to escape, didn’t need to take her anger out on Jasper that whole time, she didn’t need to punch a hole in that water craft to send Jasper flying away after she had begged to be in that fusion again. Especially when the Crystal Gems weren’t against bubbling gems that were threats and Lapis would easily be able to trap Jasper with her water chains to rip her gem out of her body. But Jasper had tried to manipulate Lapis for strategic gain, if you could even call it that. It was a desperate attempt to win a battle.   
What happened to Jasper next was her fault, it always was. 

Just like when she fused with Ocean Jasper in a desperate attempt to win a fight...

Jasper didn’t want to think about this, she was already so caught up reminiscing in doubts she’s been successful in suppressing until relatively recently. She didn’t need this, she felt the deep instinct to intimidate this gem rise, to use brute force to overpower her, to assert herself as someone to be feared. Not because of who this gem was, but because of who she is. Maybe, who she was?

But era 3 isn’t her ally, even if she didn’t want to hurt to attack this gem, her reputation wouldn’t reflect that. She would be seen as a threat, and there’s a whole town of gems who would hunt her down. Although they wouldn’t try to punish her, since this era, along with many other aspects, falls short when it comes to punishment. They wouldn’t have to hurt her to punish her. 

All they would have to do to punish her, is to overpower her and to get her to leave, asserting themselves as above her. Like the crystal gems did. They don’t see her as a threat anymore because her days of being a threat to them are over, marked by the battles she lost to them. 

A lost battle means very little if you win the war. But Jaspers’ wars were lost the moment she began to fight them. Maybe even before then.

She’d been standing there too long. 

Silently standing still, her arms crossed, just staring at the path below her feet. Hopefully that was just taken as Jasper being stubborn and unwilling to do anything to make anyone’s life easier. Lapis and Jasper hadn’t addressed anything that had happened. It was just a silent agreement to ignore each other’s existence as much as possible. After Lapis’ response to Jasper trying to convince her to become Malachite again, she is a little surprised that Lapis was the one to acknowledge her first. 

They’d only seen each other once since Jasper was healed. They weren’t anywhere near each other, and they didn’t even meet eyes. Jasper didn’t want to see her now. She has more recent things to assess.

The numbness of being caught in her thoughts was quickly wearing off with the presence of the blue gem. A flash of lightning brought back memories of her on her knees, begging this gem to share her power with her, to make her feel strong. This gem had seen her at a low point, she wasn’t going to let her see her like that again.

Wordlessly, she walked off. Leaving Lapis even more confused than before, the only acknowledgment she’d been given, was through omission. The confrontation easily could of gone worse. While Jasper has been focusing on isolating herself from everyone and focusing only on training. Lapis had been immersing herself in Earths culture, and helping forge Little Homeworld culture, she hadn’t been completely shutting her feelings off. Even though she didn’t want to, over the past two years, she’d gone through so many scenarios in her head as to what her and Jaspers first interactions of era 3 would be. This scenario hadn’t been one of them.

By the time Jasper found her way back to her cave, the storm had turned the dry hard dirt into soft mud. She hated how something so seemingly hard and stable could completely change because of some water.

Stevens order kept repeating in her head.

Find something better to do with your life? What does that even mean? To serve a diamond is the greatest honour. To be willing to die to protect your diamond is the only worthy way to stop serving.

If it had been like when she first set up her area in the woods when humans would come hiking through here, before she established that wasn’t allowed anymore, someone would of heard her.

The two rocks she’d collected to train with Steven were still by the entrance of her cave. Even before Steven showed her his strength, she began to enjoy training with him. He sounded so disappointed in her when telling her to find something better to do. Not just to do, but something better to do with her life. The entirety of her life was worthless to him. He didn’t want her.

Her teeth clenched along with her fists as she let out an animalistic grow. Those rocks had potential. They could of been used for training, but now they’re pathetic and without purpose. How dare they allow themselves to stay on her territory, mocking her with what could of been. She wanted to summon her helmet and use the force of her entire being to smash the rocks into hundreds of pieces, into fragments, into shards. 

She couldn’t bring herself to summon her helmet, and resorted to kicking the rocks as hard as she could, getting them out of her sight.

She just wanted someone to give her life up for to protect. Did he reject her because she’s a Beta gem? Surely he wouldn’t hold the same prejudices as some of the other gems Jasper had encountered during her time serving the authority on Homeworld during era 2. 

She made her way into her cave, out of the rain. She used both hands to run her fingers through her hair. She didn’t care that her corrupted claws scratched her scalp, she just wanted the wet hair out of her face. Her hands are the only pair that had touched her hair with care. Some gems would pull her hair as a quick shot, a desperate attempt to win a fight, falling to weak and petty tactics. 

Quartz Soldiers are made to fight, but most of them have a playful personality. Making jokes, playing pranks. Most Quartzes would bond through styling each other’s hair, specifically braiding. An innocent, soft act, but one that can feel meaningful to anyone. It had very little purpose. The braids would have to be undone before the next order was given, but so many still did it. 

But very few gems on Homeworld wanted to touch an Earth gem, let alone a Beta, no matter how perfect she was, and all the other Earth gems were on Pink Diamonds Zoo ship. Not that they would be able to get past their fear of her to get close to her. 

Jasper never got close enough to other Quartzes to get that sort of treatment, or anyone for that matter. She wasn’t even sure if she wanted that. It would be a sign of weakness to say she wanted it, but part of her was always envious, but that part of her was always repressed with every other part of her that had tried to bubble up over the years. Those types of activities did nothing to serve the authority. So what was the point, right?

The first Quartz Steven had met, the one that he had bonded with in his formative years, was a small defect from this very planet. A runt from the better kindergarten. Surely if he could bond with her despite her form, he would be able to bond with Jasper despite her kindergarten. Did Jasper even want that? He is a human. Humans are pathetic, organic creatures.

He’s a diamond. Despite the fact he’s an organic, half organic, his other half is a Diamond, specifically her diamond. No matter how perfect she once was, even at her peak, Steven at his lowest would always be better than her.

The thought angered her. She’d spent so much time hating Rose, not for starting the war, because Jasper loved war and loved to fight, it was her livelihood, everything she was. She hated Rose for ruining her colony and shattering her Diamond, but the latter never happened. She spent time hating Steven thinking he was Rose. But Rose never existed. Not really. That didn’t stop Jaspers anger. 

It was a type of anger that didn’t feel like power. It felt like betrayal. And it angered her, she was so angry at her anger that didn’t feel like anger. She knew that Steven isn’t Rose, and that Rose was Pink Diamond, so Steven also isn’t Pink diamond. Steven isn’t her Diamond, but he is her Diamond. He overpowered her, he won the battle, alone. He shattered her, who else, other than a Diamond worthy of respect and protection, could shatter someone like Jasper? 

But doesn’t that mean that Jasper needs to forgive Rose for everything she did to her planet, to her colony? 

If Rose was Pink, it would be treason to be mad at Rose, but her anger and hatred for Rose wont go away. Everything Jasper shaped herself for, fell at the hands of Rose and what stemmed from her valued. She still hated Rose so much, she didn’t have that right.

Her thoughts kept going from one doubt to the next. Fragments of memories running through her head, memories of doubts she hadn’t let herself consider for thousands of years. 

Her major struggle with era 3 is that it forced her to think about herself, and after thousands of years of removing all her thoughts that didn’t fit someone else’s mould, it was enough to overwhelm even the diamonds, but Jasper didn’t know that. She’d isolated herself from everyone, and refused to learn that it’s okay to think about these things and figure out how to cope, but she didn’t deserve that.  
She started to throw her body against the large stone that made the right wall of the cave, hitting it with her shoulder. Her cave is stable structurally, but it easily can come collapsing down on her if this wall is forced out of place. 

The stone started to crack where Jasper was brutally assaulting. She loved her cave, but she didn’t deserve it anymore. Her diamond thinks her purpose is not worth it, so she isn’t worthy of anything that brings her comfort. Over the last few days, she came to regret tearing her blanket, show loved it just as much as her cave, found comfort in wrapping it around her large form. But now she was almost glad she destroyed it. She wasn’t worthy of comfort.

The stone was cracking even more, so Jasper stopped. The cracks didn’t, the stone wasn’t as stable as it was moments ago. It wouldn’t take long for this wall to break, causing the rest of the stone to cave in. She falls into the hole she’d dug in the back of the cave. Sometimes she sleeps in there, curled up like when she’s hurtling herself towards someone in battle. It makes her feel powerful without having to do anything.

She rests her head on the ground that’s levelled above the rest of her body, and closes her eyes as she hears the wall give way.

The stone of what used to be the top of her cave falls in a way that it is still above the ground, leaning on pieces of stone. It barely touched Jasper as it fell, she was practically unharmed, just laying in a hole in the foetal position under what was her cave. She didn’t want to move, she was almost disappointed that she wasn’t dissipated, however she was overcome with an odd sense of calm.

The stone rested on her back, almost like a gem leaning on her, supporting her. Like how she used to watch from afar, her fellow Earth Quartzes supporting each other after battle.

She slept.


	2. Lost and Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie tries to convince the Crystal Gems that while Jasper isn’t the nicest person, she still deserves their help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jasper is barely in this chapter.
> 
> Connie gives one of her classic “your feelings/ pettiness doesn’t come first, we need to do something” speeches.

“I know it’s only been a week since, well, you know...” Steven looked over at Connie, who was sitting next to him while he laid in his bed.

“But?”

“Something you said really worried me.”

“Everything I said worried you.. and everyone else.”

“Yeah, but, something that hasn’t been addressed.” Connie places her hands in her lap, interlocking her fingers, and slowly breathed in. “Did you actually shatter Jasper? And if you did, what do you mean you fixed her?” 

Stevens expression didn’t change, but he glowed pink.

“Steven I’m sorry, I understand if it’s too soon, but if Jasper is hurt. We need to help her. She may not be the easiest to get along with, or the nicest gem but...”

Steven rolled onto his right side, his body faced towards Connie, but his eyes focused on the blanket in front of her. “But, she deserves our help.”

“Yes, just like everyone else does.” Connie shifted her weight onto her left arm, slightly leaning towards Steven. “Including you.”

“I went to Jasper for the few days I was missing. We spent the whole time training. She was teaching me how to express my anger, to use my powers. I got lost in them, I went too far, and I shattered her. I ran home as quick as I could, and used the last of the diamond essence on her shards. I healed her.”

“I see.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt her that badly.” Stevens voice began to crack. “I want to help her, but...” Steven wanted to say it, but he couldn’t bring himself to tell her she called him her diamond. The room remained silent for some time. 

“I... from what the gems told me, and with what you’re going through, I don’t think you should help her.”

“WHAT! “ He begin to sit up before Connie put her hand on his shoulder. “But I did this to her!”

“Exactly Steven.” Connie gently pushed Steven to lay down again, and moved her hand to his pink hair. “Think about how you feel towards White, after she pulled out your gem. Even if she doesn’t show it, Jasper could feel similar towards you.”

His eyes focused on her hand she was resting on. “I guess... I guess you have a point there.”

“Of course I do!” He could hear the smile in her voice, which caused him to give a small giggle, before his pink hue started to fail away.

“Thanks Connie, you always know what to say.” He sighed. “Even if I don’t want to hear it sometimes.”

“What are jam buds for?” She moved Stevens blanket so that it was covering his shoulder. “How about you get some sleep? I’m going to talk with the gems okay? Your dad is downstairs, do you want me to send him up here? He can keep you company while you sleep... Only if that’s what you want.”

“I’d like that,” Steven moved an arm under his pillow and rested his head on his pillow where the inside of his elbow was, and closed his eyes. “Thank you.”

Connie made her way downstairs to where the other gems and Stevens father was. They were all sitting around the table in silence. The sound of Connies footsteps caught their attention and they all looked up at her coming down the stairs.

Amethyst piped up. “We heard him yell out, Pearl wanted to run up there but Garnet stopped her.”

“Amethyst!” Pearl looked at Connie “He sounded upset, I just wanted to make sure he w-“

“He’s fine Pearl. I just asked him about Jasper, and he got anxious. It was nothing to worry about.”

“Why would yo-!”

“Pearl, lower your voice.” Garnet adjusted her visor. “Steven is asleep, you’re going to wake him.”

Pearl frowned. “Why would you ask about her? She obviously did something to Steven to make him freak out and leave! If you ask me, its best if we don’t ask Steven about her for the time being. She’s staying away from him, and with her calling him her diamond... that’s probably for the best.”

Connie looked towards Greg. “Mr Universe,”

“Please, Connie,” He held his hands up. “I’ve told you, you can just call me Greg.”

“I know.” She smiled. “Anyway, Mr Greg Universe.”

He returned the smile, with a slight giggle. “Yes, Miss Maheswaran.”

“Steven is trying to get some sleep. I asked if he was okay with you staying up there with him while I go out and talk to the gems. I hope it’s okay with you?”

“Of course it is! Did he say yes?”

“Yeah, he said he’s okay with it. Try not to wake him up, he still needs his rest.”

Greg nodded, stood up from the table, and started to make his way towards the staircase. “If he wakes up and wants you to come back, I’ll call.”

“Thank you.” Greg made his way up the staircase as Connie sat pushed in the seat he left out. “I think that we should go and find Jasper and find out her side of the story. Steven isn’t ready to talk about it, but if he really did shatter and somehow heal her again, she could be hurting. It’s been a week, and no one has tried to help her. We’ve all been focusing on Steven.”

Amethyst groaned. “Oh come on. Jasper will be fine. She’s spent the last two years being grumpy in the woods, she’s be fine. She’s-“

“She’s a gem too Amethyst!” She didn’t raise her voice, but she didn’t have to to get her point across. “Even if she doesn’t want our help, she might need it.” She took a breath in. “Sure she’s brash and stubborn, but that doesn’t mean we should just ignore her. She was shattered.”

Pearl stood up and placed her hands on the table. “Why are you defending her? She hurt Steven!”

“Did she? Because to me, it seems like Steven hurt her. I’m not saying she’s perfect or innocent, none of us are innocent. But right now, she could be hurting. The Crystal Gems were here to protect the earth, and now are here to make sure Gems are free and learning how to heal and deal with everything that happened. We shouldn’t just abandon Jasper because she has been isolating herself and refusing to let us help her deal with her trauma.”

“Her trauma? What about what she put Steven through? She doesn’t have trauma, she causes it!”

“Think about it Pearl. The Diamond that created her faked her own death and fought against her. She hates earth! But this is where she was made. I... Earth is her home too. She was made here just like you Amethyst. Just like Steven! And me!”

“Connie...” Garnets tone was soft, but like usual, almost sounded like a warning. Precautionary perhaps? Warning Connie not to push too far.

“She deserves to feel like she belongs here, like Earth is her home. That won’t happen if we keep letting her be alone in the woods. Steven has spent the last two years trying to convince her to be apart of Little Homeworld, but that hasn’t been working. We need to find a way to help her that isn’t just us forcing our system onto her.”

“Oh come on Connie. What has she done to deserve that?” 

“Amethyst has a point.”

“Never thought I’d hear that.” Pearl ignores Amethysts quiet sarcasm.

Garnet, who’s been mostly silent throughout the argument, like she often is, makes a concerned humming noise. “As much as I encourage trying to get Jasper to embrace freedom and bettering herself, I’m not sure how we could do that in a healthy way. We could easily ask Steven to order her to join little Homeschool and to play nice, since she thinks he’s her diamond, but that isn’t fair on Steven, or Jasper for that matter. Plus, Lapis is a fairly major part of little Homeschool...” Garnet lifts a hand to her visor. “That could end badly.”

“Regardless of what COULD happen, Jasper HAS tried to hurt you before. She treated the corrupted gems like animals. She’s ripped up every part of organic life in her little area. She hates earth and the life on Earth. She has been given a second chance and she’s rejecting it. Why should we continue to go even further out of our way to cater to her when she doesn’t appreciate it. I think she’ll be fine in her area, with her cave and rocks. If we leave her alone, and try and keep her away from Steven, she won’t bother us.”

“Maybe you’re right-“

“Finally.”

Connie clenched her fists, and struggled not to raise her voice to not disturb Steven. “Maybe you’re right that she wont ‘bother us’ for now. But Jasper isn’t the type of gem to be satisfied with being alone with nothing to do! Maybe it’ll take her a few years, or a few decades, but she would become unsatisfied with keeping to herself and-“

“You barely even know her! All you’ve seen of her is her trying to kill you and the people around you.”

“By that definition you don’t know her either! How can you discredit what I think based on a statement that discredits your thoughts? If she is forced to isolate herself in those woods and be alone, without any support, she could quite easily have an episode. Just like Steven did after spending his whole life repressing parts of himself to keep you all happy!”

Garnet stood up and put a hand on Connies shoulder, and held another hand up between Pearl and Connie, signalling for Pearl to drop it. “Let’s go and check up on her, we can see if she’s okay, and if you believe she is Connie, we can leave for today, and come back another day after thinking of a plan.”

“But Garnet!”

Garnet stared Pearl down, crossing her arms, and Pearl didn’t need to be able to see through her visor to know it. “The suggestion wasn’t for you Pearl.”

“OOOoooooo, shut down.”

Garnet didn’t move her gaze from Pearl. “Amethyst, just because you’re not arguing as much as Pearl, doesn’t mean you’re much better right now.”

Amethyst looked back down at the table. “I know. I’m sick of wasting my time to try and help her, when she doesn’t want my help. I just don’t see the point in doing this for Jasper.”

“Then don’t do it for Jasper, do it to make Connie happy.” Garnet uncrossed her arms. “Come on, lets go to Jaspers cave. It’s the most probable place to find her.”

The three gems walked away from the table, towards the warp pad. Connie quickly glanced over at her bag she’d left at the front door, which held the sword Bismuth made her, amongst other belongings. She started to walk towards it, before deciding to leave it there, and started to walk up the stairs. 

“Where is she going? She’d forcing us to go see Jasper and just walks off, I m-“ Amethysts’ voice becomes too quiet to understand as Connie walked up the stairs. Greg was laying on his back at the end of the bed, Stevens legs must be curled up, otherwise Greg would be laying on them. Steven had gotten to sleep, but Gregs eyes were open. 

Connie lowered her voice to a whisper. “Hey, I just wanted to say we were leaving.”

Greg looked over at her, but didn’t move. “Thanks for letting me know, Connie. I don’t think I’ve met this gem you want to help, but I hope you stay safe.”

“I will. Thank you. If we’re not back by the time he wakes up, please tell Steven I’ll be back soon. I’m going to leave my bag downstairs, so I’ll have to come back to get it.” Greg just gives her a thumbs up, and she silently goes down the stairs, taking another look at her bag, specifically the sword hanging out of it.

Pearl notices this, as Connie walks past it towards the warp pad. “Why don’t you bring that Connie, that way you can protect yourself against Jasper.”

Connie stepped onto the warp pad, refusing to look at Pearl. “The only reason I’d have to protect myself against her is if I attack her first.” Garnet activated the warp pad before Pearl could respond.

Amethyst led the way through Little Homeworld. While she hadn’t visited Jasper in months, the path to Jaspers ‘home’ had been burnt into her gem. 

“You’re treating her different to how you’ve treated every other corrupted gem. Is it because she wasn’t an ally during the war? Or is it because she reacted differently than everyone else?”

“Both! And more! She dedicated so much time to trying to tear our family down, and refused to listen to us. Steven tried to help her while she was corrupting, and she refused, lashed out at him.”

“She was losing her mind! She thought Steven was Rose, and she thought Rose destroyed everything! Killed her diamond, ruined her colony. Fought against everything she believed in. Wouldn’t you lash out?”

“But now she knows the truth, and she is still acting the way she acts.”

“Not everyone was going to react the same! She wasn’t just going to completely change her personality because she found out she had been lied to by the gem she was created for. You act as if she hasn’t compromised at all! She set up her own area where she could do what she wanted, away from everyone else, and stopped trying to kill everyone. She hasn’t even tried to interfere with or destroy little Homeworld, which is something she would of done in the past.”

“Oh wow, lets give her a Pearl point for not trying to ruin everything we work for. How does that sound? Let’s reward her for not killing us! Not that she hasn’t tried.”

“She is not getting one of my Pearl points. She would probably wreck that too.”

Their bickering quickly come to a stop as Connie let out a loud gasp and covered her mouth. The gems followed Connies gaze.

What they saw was Jaspers cave, but it wasn’t standing anymore. The largest piece of stone, that used to be the roof, and made up part of the left side of the cave, seemed to have been split in half. Other pieces of stone had fallen beneath and around it. The tarps that had created a sort of door to her cave, were still connected to parts of stone, but were completely spread over the ground.

It was destroyed.

“Woah, what happened here?” Amethyst gently elbowed Pearls side. “Yeah, looks like she’ll have a great time keeping to herself with her cave and her rocks, am I right P?” Being ridiculed for making a joke would of been better than the complete silence that she as met with. She grabbed her arm.

“See Connie? Jasper is too dangerous to be around. She destroyed the only thing she owned. What makes you think she’d hesitate to hurt you? To hurt any of us!” Pearl sighed and lowered herself to Connies height. “I want everything to be okay as much as you do, but she’s shown us multiple times that she doesn’t want to let that happen.” She stood to her full height, and shielded her eyes from the sun that had begun to lower in the sky, soon to change the colours entirely. “Maybe she went off world?”

“JASPER! HELLO? ARE YOU AROUND HERE?” Connie began to walk forward, towards the piles of stone. 

“Connie!”

“If she’s not here, we need to find her. Can you see anything in your future vision Garnet?”

Garnet opened her mouth in shock as she shifted her visor. “She- she’s in there. She’s under the rocks.”

“WHAT!” Connie took a step back. “Is she okay? Can we move the rocks without hurting her?”

“If we form Alexandrite, we could-“

“I am not fusing to help her. She got herself into this.”

Garnet sighed. “Amethyst, Sugilite could be as effective.”

While she wasn’t motivated to help Jasper, she couldn’t help but be excited to fuse with Garnet on her own.

...

Sugilite pushed the last large stone out of the way carelessly, it hit the ground with a thud. Dust and dirt came up all around them, causing Connie to cough. Sugilite unfused, her parts had never unfused so gently. Pearl was sitting on a tree stump that was on the edge of dirt and grass. Amethyst walked towards her and sat down on the ground next to Pearl.

As the dust settled, Jaspers body could be seen. She was awake, and not happy about it. But she didn’t move, not even to open her eyes.

Garnet didn’t form her visor as her body separated from Amethysts. “Thank you Amethyst.” Amethyst stuck her tongue out, winked, and did a peace sign, but the rest of her body was stiff.

Garnet knelt down, a few metres away from the gem laying in front of them. “Jasper.”

Jasper shifted her body so her weight was leaning on her arms. She looked up at the fusion, and quickly looked away from her, locking eyes with a human that looked somehow familiar.

Connie looked down at Jasper, and put her hand over her chest. Jaspers horn was broken and cracked, a stripe over her eye was broken. But what hit Connie most of all, was how tired and defeated she looked.

“Are you okay?”


	3. Leave me alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper has been found, whether she wants to or not.
> 
> Connie visits Jasper alone, and tries a different, less direct approach to try and gain her trust, or at least her tolerance.

Jasper didn’t bother getting off of the ground. She was still partially laying in the hole. She folded her right forearm over her left, keeping her left on the ground, her hand away from the view of the gems in front of her.

She looked around, the stone from her house had been moved from on top of her, and tosses aside. It took her a few moments to register that Pearl and Amethyst 

“Jasper!” Connie’s voice sounded a little more frantic than before. “Are you okay? What happened?” Jasper couldn’t be bothered trying to think about why this human seemed to care.

She grumpily groaned, rested her head on her arms in front of her, and closed her eyes. “You have no business being here. Get out of my territory, let me sleep.” She buried her head completely into her arms, and her hair fell over what little of her face could of been seen.

Connie began to take a step towards Jasper. “I’ll leave you be if you tell me you’re okay.” She put her hands out in front of her. “I don’t have a weapon, I’m not here to hurt you. I just want to know what happened, and how we-“ She quickly looked behind her at Pearl and Amethyst. Amethyst was looking at Jasper with a slightly worried, but otherwise blank expression. Pearl on the other hand, had her arms crossed and was looking at the trees of the surrounding forest. Connie looked back at Jasper. ”-how I can help.”

Jasper growled in frustration, quickly lifted herself onto her knees, and hit the ground where her head was hard enough to split the rock beneath the dirt. “JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.”

Garnet stood up and phased her visor back on. “Connie. She doesn’t want us here, we have to go.”

Connie nodded at her, but didn’t move. She looked down at Jasper, and crossed her arms, leaning her weight onto one leg. “We’ll leave if you tell me you’re okay.” 

“What?” 

“I came here to see if you were okay. I told the gems I’d leave if I was satisfied that you are okay. So, Jasper. Are you okay?”

Jasper moved her head up slightly, and looked at the human. She was within reaching distance. If she really wanted to, Jasper could easily grab her leg and pull her onto the ground, which would cause the three gems to summon their weapons to fight her. Something about this human made Jasper hesitate. She wasn’t scared, almost impressed. Almost.

“Yeah sure. Whatever. Just leave.” She put her head back down. She could tell this human wasn’t going to leave at just that. “I’m okay.”

“Sounds credible to me.”

Jasper could hear the two gems argue with the human as they walked off. The fusion stayed silent. From what Jasper could tell, it seemed that was her default, which wouldn’t be a problem with Jasper. If she didn’t already dislike her since she overpowered her in a fight... as a fusion. 

She groaned. Reminiscing on old times had already caused her so much trouble over the past week. It made her feel more drained than any physical task did.

“Do you want some tea? It doesn’t taste the best, but it’s nice and warm.”

Jasper hadn’t noticed the human until then. Her eyes had been closed. It was dark. Jasper looked up and saw that the human had moved one of the smaller things of stone from her cave and set up a small fire on top of it. She could see in the dirt where she’d dragged it from. She was sitting on a log. There was some sort of metal rack, and a metal container over the fire.

Jasper didn’t know what tea was, but since Connie said taste, it must of been for eating. A little stunned at the human being here and the fact that it was dark, she found herself answering. She was too tired to do much more. All she’d done during the last week was sleep under stone, and during the past few hours, she slept under the sky. She wasn’t using any of her strength, or any of her power to do anything, and it was wearing her out. Sleeping kept her from her doubts. She was acting as purposeless as she felt.

“I know what happens after consuming...”

“Hmmm, I’ll take that as a no.” Connie went back to her tea. Jasper watched her pour it into a mug and begin to sip at it. She was wearing different clothes that covered her arms as well as her legs. The material looked, soft.

Jasper had just been telling Steven how she wasn’t going to coddle him, and now it felt like she was the one being coddled. Any treatment of Jasper that didn’t feel like aggression, felt like coddling to her. Or maybe allowing herself to have non aggressive experiences with others just made her feel weak. Either way, she wasn’t a fan of what was happening.

“I could crush you easily.”

“I know.” 

Another surprise for Jasper. She didn’t like how this human acted. It contradicted so much she’d learnt about humans during the war. Humans were small, weak, cowards. This one was small, most likely just as weak as any other human, but she wasn’t a coward.

“I crush any earthling that invades my space, and you’re an earthling invading my space.” Connie took her time to answer, she knew she had to be careful with what she said, otherwise Jasper could stay stubborn and refuse help. But if Connie backed down, that wouldn’t help Jasper in the long run either.

“Is that why you tried to crush yourself und-“

“NO. I am not a-“ much to her surprise, the human cut her off.

“You’re as much as earthling as I am.” She let the statement hang in the air. Jasper met her with silence. “Maybe even more so, since you’re made out of earth. I’m just a creature born on it.”

“Shut up. I’m nothing like you.” Connie stayed quiet, and continued to drink her beverage. She figured it was best not to push Jasper any more than she already had.

Connie kept visiting Jasper every few days, usually at night time. Always in silence. Connie did try to strike up a conversation the first few times, but she never responded, so Connie decided to stop for the time being.

“Why do you keep coming back here?” She couldn’t of asked Connie that when she’d gotten there instead of when she was leaving, could she?

It was the first time Jasper spoke to her since Connie accused her of being more of an earthling than her. She took a moment to think of a response. The last comment she’d made to Jasper hadn’t been received the best. Connie noted that Jasper being from Earth was definitely a touchy subject, but also noted that she didn’t do anything to retaliate, other than slightly raise her voice.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Connie smiled, she was lying of course. “I mean, just ask the gems, I haven’t seen you in two weeks. We’re still trying to figure out a way to approach you without causing you to act as a threat.” Jasper frowned. After a minute without a response, Connie made her way to the edge of Jaspers territory, and called out as she reached the grass. “Goodnight Jasper. Sleep well.”

The Crystal Gems didn’t know the human was visiting her. This made even less sense.

Whether she meant it or not, her confusion of the humans behaviour led to her being silent for another week. At least when she was silent, the human would reflect that and not say anything. That’s almost as good as being left alone.

...

It had been just over a month since Jasper had been shattered, exactly a month since Stevens breakdown. Steven was on his way to recovery. Connie had just started her short winter break, and was helping Steven look into getting a therapist.

“Hey, um, did you end up seeing Jasper a few weeks back?”

“Yeah. She said she was okay.”

Steven hesitated. Questioning whether he even had the right to ask about her, after what he had done to her. “You don’t believe her do you?

Connie shook her head. “I believe her just as much as I believed you.”

“What’s the plan then.”

Connie punched her fist into her palm with a smile. “I’m gonna pull her by the gem and yell at her to stop being a... a-“ Connies’ mind went blank. “I’m trying to think of something orange,”

“What about an orange?”

“That’s cheating, Steven!” He poked his tongue out at her. After a few minutes of going back and forth listing numerous orange things, Connie decided to ask Steven about what he knew about Jasper.

...

Connie pretended not to see Jasper gently touch the blanket as she sat down on the log. 

“Do you want me to help put the blanket on you?”

“I’m not letting you put that thing on me. Take it away. I don’t want it in my territory.

“You haven’t even tried it on.”

Jasper shifted her body so that her face was covered again. She couldn’t shake the underlying feeling that the human was able to read her doubts on her face. “I don’t want that thing touching me.”

Connie sat, looking at her hands in her lap for a moment. “Do you... not like blankets?” 

Silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m going to spend more time on the next chapter. So it probably won’t be ready for a few days.
> 
> It will be more from Jaspers perspective, like the first chapter was, going back to talking about her problems. 
> 
> It will most likely get more detailed and darker than my previous chapters, so I will update warnings in the tags if I need to. 
> 
> Don’t worry though, she’ll start to make her way to get better after the next chapter!


	4. Left to think

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper is left alone to dwell on memories she has been ignoring for the past two years.   
> As well as some not so recent thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Self harm warning (she doesn’t go through with it).

“You’re not scared of me.” It had been five weeks since Jasper had been found. Aside from when she was first found laying under the ruins of her cave, the state of her territory, and of herself, weren’t discussed. The human didn’t even mention how Jasper had moved a log on the other side of the stone slab and was sitting across from her, instead of laying in that hole away from her. 

“Yes and no.”

“Elaborate.”

“Why should I explain myself to you, when you won’t do the same for me.” 

Connie went back to boiling the water. She did this almost every time. Passed the time with boiling water, mixing stuff with it, and drinking it. Sometimes it was tea, but other times she put different things in the pot, so Jasper assumed it wasn’t tea, but didn’t want to ask. When she visited during the day, she would bring a different bag instead. She would take things out of it that Jasper didn’t recognise. She’d read them and wrote stuff down in a separate one. It seemed similar to when Jasper had to write reports coming back to Homeworld after going on the numerous missions she was assigned to during Era 2. 

Sometimes, the human would read out loud without realising, Jasper never complained. At least when the human was distracted by making her drink, or reading to herself, she wasn’t trying to initiate a conversation with her.

Jasper waited until after the human made and consumed her beverage. “It was too scratchy.”

“What?”

Jasper didn’t have to explain herself further, there was no one making her. If there was one thing she’d figured out from the beginning, it was that humans were beneath her and weren’t worth her time. She was starting to doubt even that. A lot of humans were definitely beneath her, but maybe some humans weren’t a complete waste of her time?

“That thing, the... blanket. The other day. It was scratchy.”

“Oh! You don’t like the texture. This was the only blanket I could find at home that would be big enough to cover you. I didn’t think how it felt would matter, gems being made out of light... that’s my fault, I was inconsiderate.”

“It was yours.” Connie nodded, although she knew it wasn’t a question. Jasper had elaborated on something she’d asked her, and although it wasn’t much, it was progress. So it was only fair Connie did the same.

“I know how strong you are. Well, actually... I’m certain I don’t. I’ve seen you fight before. I was there when you took down those two corrupted gems in the snow. And I was there when you poofed amethyst. I’m not sure if you remember, but I’m the human Steven fused with.” Jasper felt a tightness in her chest for a quick moment, but it quickly went away when she got distracted by the human continuing the conversation.

“I’m sure neither of those times you were fighting at full strength.” She heard a noise, it was almost as if Jasper chuckled. But surely that couldn’t be right. “I wouldn’t say I’m scared of you right now. If you tried to fight me though, I would probably be scared. If I believed you were trying to hurt me. I’m aware that you could easily kill me. Just like I’m aware any other gem could.” 

Connie sat her empty mug on the stone in front of her, and looked up at Jasper, who seemed to be scratching something on her leg. She was so fidgety tonight. “But there’s a difference between can and will. Fear comes from an element of distrust, and to fear you, I would have to not trust you. I trust you won’t try to hurt me.”

Jasper stopped moving entirely, and looked directly at Connie. “How could you trust I won’t? I have before.”

“Well. You haven’t tried to hurt me when I’ve come to visit you.”

“I suppose not.” 

The humans’ words stuck with Jasper after she left. There was a time she wouldn’t hesitate to summon her weapon and crack a humans skull because they got in her way. It wasn’t as satisfying as when a gems physical form dissipated, but sometimes she could hear the bones crack, like a shattered gem.

She’s gone soft. This human has obviously gotten into her head and made her soft. That has to be the reason. She’s an ally with the Crystal Gems, who are notorious for getting into gems heads and manipulating them into thinking the way they do, and behaving their way.

Is that what Steven had done to her? Is that why he shattered her? To make her submit to him and start to behave the way the other gems do? If that was true, he wouldn’t of looked so disturbed at the thought of her serving him. He probably would of loved the thought of her dropping everything and dedicating her life to protecting him when he was smaller, like the Crystal gems did. 

Jasper didn’t want to think about that. She had enough ‘what if’ thoughts running around in her head already.

What if Pink didn’t start the rebellion? What if she didn’t betray the authority? What would her Diamond think of her?

What if she never fused with Lapis? What if Lapis had of said yes on the boat, when she begged to form Malachite again?

What if she never fused with Ocean Jasper?

What if she had of just listened to Steven in the first place? When he said he wasn’t Rose, when he tried to heal her while she was corrupting. 

Would she be happy if she had of been apart of Little Homeworld from the beginning? That doesn’t matter, she doesn’t deserve happiness.

She’d spent the past weeks sleeping away her doubts.   
Pretending her problems weren’t there because she could stop herself from being conscious. It was weak.

It had been drilled into Jasper that acknowledging her doubts was weakness, and if you showed weakness, you are not worthy of your purpose, and not worthy of the authority, therefore not worthy of existence. The only worthy existence was one serving the diamonds.

But this Era was built on acknowledging your weaknesses and using that to grow, and to find a new purpose, serving a diamond isn’t an option anymore. Jasper didn’t want a new purpose. She had no one to serve, and up until recently, channeled her anger into power, and her power into training. It was all she had left, and yet now she doesn’t even have that.

Since what was left of her cave was was pulled off of her, she had been waking up continuously. The human told Jasper that when she had been discovered, it had been a week, 7 earth days, since anyone had seen her. Without the light from outside to disturb her, she had been asleep the whole time.

She woke up every sunrise, groaned at the light disturbing her, and would then go back to sleep. She also would wake up when she heard the human walking towards her territory.

But it was sunset that interested her more. Somehow, the sunsets on this planet were intriguing to her. Vibrant colours of the sun shining through the clouds. Sometimes there were touches of pink and purple, that reminded her of her original uniform. Mostly, she saw there oranges mixing into reds and yellows. Whether she wanted to or not, she saw herself in the sunsets.

She had never noticed it during the war. She was too busy focusing on trying to avenge her diamond.

...

She used the sunrises as a measure of days. She was sure it woke her up every day. Sometimes she would miss the sunsets. It had been three sunrises- three days- since the human came to visit. 

Jasper thought it was odd. She expected the human to be back the next day, since they had spoken. Even now, she sat at the piece of stone, across from the log where the human would sit if she was there. If Jasper had considered the human was making her weak, why did she think about the human coming back?

It wasn’t the human making her weak, she was just weak. 

She was strong, that’s what she was known for, being strong, and brutally so. The kindergarten Quartz who could. Despite all odd, coming out of a defective kindergarten, she somehow was made perfectly, her height and strength surpassed any of her fellow beta kindergarteners, and even her prime kindergarten counterparts. She wasn’t made weak. Maybe it was the corruption?

Things were so different since she’d reformed into Era 3.

When she reformed, she broke through the water and was so angry. Seeing Rose- seeing Steven, fuelled her with so much rage she summoned her helmet straight away. But then her diamond was there, silently warning her not to hurt the child. She sunk down into the water out of shame, as the small Amethyst she had tried to shatter put her hand on her shoulder and called her ‘sis’. An earth term that Jasper didn’t care for. 

Her diamond had warned her not to attack, so she wouldn’t. It wasn’t until all the previously corrupted gems were healed and everything was explained, that Jasper felt the full weight of everything. The Crystal gems started by explaining that the war was thousands of years ago, that the diamond blast hadn’t killed gems, but corrupted them. Jasper already knew all that. 

She didn’t know the authority was in the process of being dismantled, and that her original Diamond, the one who created her, and whom she lived for, wasn’t shattered, but faked her own shattering. The gem that she had spent thousands of years hating, was her Diamond in disguise.

She didn’t care to hear for the rest. She walked away. She walked to the warp pad, and warped away. She ended up at the temple, on the warp pad outside the house on the temple’s hand.

Where it all started to go downhill for Jasper, not that she was well off to begin with.

Where her mission was interrupted, the ship she was on destroyed, where she lost her first fight since the war, against a fusion between a weak guard and a gem who had nothing to do with fighting, where she tried to manipulate a gem into fusing with her so she could win, before it ultimately backfired and led to her being trapped underwater for months.

She was so sick of water.

She ran.   
She ran along the beach away from the temple.   
The sand kept flicking up.   
She ran into the trees.   
There were so many.   
There was so much dreadful organic life on this planet.   
She came across a stream.  
More water.

She just ran away from water, and she runs into more water. This planet is mostly water. She hated it. She spent months trapped in it involuntarily, and then more voluntarily, tracking down Lapis, using it to get around.

Reforming in that pool of water snapped something in her. The last thing she wanted to be around was water, and yet after running away from it, she found it again. 

She jumped over the stream and ran deeper into the forest, she didn’t bother getting out of the ways of the trees. She felt so much confusion and anger. Why would her diamond lie to everyone? Why would she choose this terrible planet over her gems? Why does learning this mean everything she knew was being torn apart?

She was so hurt. She began to knock over as many trees as she could. She slipped on wet grass and fell onto her back. She started ripping up the grass. Her thoughts were frantic. She couldn’t focus on anything other than ripping up as much of the organic life out of the ground as she could.

After a few hours, her body ached. There was an area around her that was just turned up dirt, that would later be expanded and made into her territory, but at that moment, she collapsed onto her knees. She felt betrayed, worthless, she realised she had lost her purpose.

Her form couldn’t take it. It dissipated. Her gem fell to the ground, landing in the soft dirt. When she reformed, she couldn’t tell if she had been in her gem for hours, days, or weeks. She immediately continued to rip up the grass, knock over trees, and set up her cave. She needed something to do, and that would distract her. 

It was a few months before the crystal gems found her, they had begun to set up their Little Homeworld, and someone had seen Jasper. She was still in the process of setting up her cave, she cad collected large rocks, but found it harder to find large enough pieces of stone that would help her make a structurally sound cave. They kept trying to make her join them, set herself up down there, and she kept refusing. Eventually it was only Steven who came back, and even then, his visits became less and less frequent.

Remembering how She had gotten to where she was now, and she felt when it was first happening, still hurt. It was numbing. Her claws were digging into her leg. She didn’t realise until she felt a sharp pain and looked down a dull flash of light. Gems bleed light. It wasn’t enough to dissipate her form, but she had never seen this before on herself.

The light slowly faded as her physical form repaired itself. Maybe this is what she deserved? She stayed on earth because she believed that was the punishment she deserved. By fusing with Lapis, and later corrupting herself, she had betrayed the values she held herself upon. Homeworld’s old values. Maybe damaging her physical form more is what she is supposed to do. What she deserves.

She brought her left hand to her thigh. She deserved to be hurt. She was worthless, she lost her purpose. As a claw touched her form, Steven’s voice came back to her. 

“Find something better to do with your life.”

He wouldn’t think her tearing her physical form apart was better than serving him. He didn’t want her to serve him, but in the earlier days of Era 3 he would talk about how she deserves to feel happy, and to heal.

But she doesn’t think she deserves that. She thinks... she thinks she’s defective. Her form shows that. If she had of emerged looking the way she did now, she would of been shattered on the spot. But, she’s not the only one who was corrupted, everyone else was getting help to deal with it, maybe she cou-

No. Don’t look to them for sympathy. Steven was right, her corruption was her own fault. Everyone else’s wasn’t. She doesn’t deserve to learn how to be okay with her corruption, she doesn’t deserve to be okay with it. She should be ashamed of her scars. Everyone else’s scars were at the hands of the diamonds, it wasn’t their fault, they can learn to cope with it because someone else did it to them. But she did it to herself. It’s her fault. She deserved it.

If she didn’t fuse with the corrupted gem, if she didn’t fuse with lapis, if she didn’t let herself be beat by fusion after fusion. She’d fought against and alongside fusions during the war. She hated how weaker gems could fuse to make themselves stronger than she was. Their strength wasn’t true strength, it was forced. It wasn’t worthy of respect. It was disgraceful. She was disgraceful.

Jasper dug her fingernails into the sides of her head. She growled in frustration. She felt like she could cry. She hasn’t cried in thousands of years.

Maybe the real problem is that she shouldn’t be left alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rest of the chapters are focused on Jaspers progress, rather than what she needs progress from.   
> I can’t wait to write some positive stuff for this gal!


	5. Help heal her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A two side conversation with Connie gets interrupted, and Jasper learns that not every corrupted gem has been healed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter features a Connie speech, which I enjoyed writing.
> 
> Jasper is slowly warming up to Connie, and is on the way to finding her place on Earth.

The water finished boiling, so Connie poured herself a drink. It had been almost a week since she last visited. That was the longest Jasper gone without seeing the human in the last month and a half. 

While she didn’t want to admit it, Jasper almost missed seeing her. Because she was a distraction, right? Inferior company was better than no company.

“I had a bit of a cold recently. I know gems don’t get sick, so you might not understand what it is yet. I had a slight mucus build up in the lungs, and a blocked nose-“ she trailed off, looking at Jaspers gem. “Tonight I’m drinking warm water mixed with honey and lemon. I couldn’t find any fresh lemons in the house so I just used lemon juice from the fridge. It helps my throat, plus it helps me breathe when I’m sick. I mean, I’m fine now but, you can never take too many precautions when it comes to your health!”

Jasper raised an eyebrow. “Why are you telling me this? I have no use for this information.”

“Perhaps not. But not everything you say or do has to have a purpose. Humans are great at productively doing useless things! It’s a great past time.”

“I cannot begin to process the utter stupidity of that statement.”

“Well I guess not everyone can be as perfect as you.” Connie meant it as a light hearted joke, and Jasper knew that.

“I’m not perfect.” It slipped out before she even processed the thought. Censoring your thoughts isn’t so easy when your spend so much time mulling over your own self loathing.

“No one is perfect. If you ask me, true perfection doesn’t exist. Take White Diamond for example. She was seen as ‘flawless’, but her biggest flaw was thinking she was flawless. Perfect doesn’t exist. No one and nothing is perfect, but everyone is perfect at one thing.” Jasper raised an eyebrow. “Perfect at being imperfect.”

“That sentence is about as flawed as the human race.” Connie laughed? Why would she laugh? Jasper just ridiculed her entire species, which includes her, so why would she find that funny. “It wasn’t a joke.”

“Maybe not to you. Not yet.” What does that even mean? ”Oh also! Sorry I took so long to visit, my mum would of killed me if I left the house.”

“What is a mum, and why would she shatter you for leaving your... house?”

“Oh, it’s a figure of speech.” Jasper squinted. “Right, that probably also went over your head.”

“I didn’t see you throw something at me.”

“No- that’s not-“ Connie gave herself a little laugh. Jasper was still confused, but this time she felt like she was the one being ridiculed. Before she could open her mouth to try and have a go at the human, she started to speak again. “Me saying my mum would kill me is an exaggeration. She would just disapprove, its safer to stay home when sick. As for mums, well... put very simply, a mum, is someone who created you, along with a dad.”

“Like the diamonds?”

“Kind of? But it’s more of an organic thing.” She watched Jasper for a reaction, but her face didn’t change as she spoke. “It’s biology, half your DNA, half of what you’re made of, comes from your mother, which is a mum, and the other half comes from your father, which is a dad. For humans anyways. That’s how Steven is half human, his human half comes from his dad, and the gem half from his mum.”

“Did his ‘dad’ also stop existing to create him?”

“No. That’s not how it works for humans.”

“So for a human to create another human, they have to give up only half of themselves?”

“What? N- oh, because I said a child is half their mum and half their dad. No, humans do a thing... uh... and 9 months later, a baby is born.” Connie could see Jasper wasn’t really following.  
“A baby is how humans start off. We don’t pop out of the ground fully formed like gems do. We start off physically smaller, and dependant on the humans who created us. We have to learn how to eat, speak, walk, and just about everything else.”

“So you don’t even know your purpose when you emerge- I mean, when you’re born?”

“Humans don’t have a set purpose. Over time we grow up and develop ourselves, how we contribute to society isn’t set in stone from the moment we’re born, we go to school, and figure it out from there.”

“I thought school was a gem conversion program.”

“School is a human thing, the school was set up for gems to learn how to live life on earth.”

“Right, and to love this crummy planet, all the organic life, how to get along with each other, and all be happy little followers.”

“Maybe that’s what some of them want. But some just want a purpose. You could take classes teaching you how to love the organic life, but that’s not the only thing Earth has to offer. Some gems are enrolled in a program that helps them use the strengths that have been programmed into them, to find a new purpose on earth, and contribute to the society that exists here. You could do that?”

“Sounds dumb.”

“Maybe to you! School is my life. I’m on a break for now, but usually I’m spending my time studying at any chance I can get. The more I study, the better chance I have at getting into college, which is another type of school, and getting results I strive for.”

“Is studying the thing you do while reading and transferring the information onto the other... pamphlet?” 

“They’re called books. There’s books you read from, and books you can write in. Yeah, that’s what I do to study. I read the information off of one book, and use it to answer questions in another. It helps me remember and understand the information.”

Before Connie could continue to explain more of the human concepts to Jasper, a large animal like creature ran from between the trees and stood its front legs on some of the discarded stone from Jaspers cave. It let out a deep growl.

It looked the same as when Jasper was rounding up those Quartzes that had been-

“I thought all the corrupted gems were healed!”

“We can’t heal gems we haven’t found Jasper!” The human quickly leapt from the log over to her bag. She would be safer out of the way anyway. While Jasper would much rather fight a gem that wasn’t a mindless beast, she needed to protect herself, and the human, against it.

“Sarcasm doesn’t help.” Jasper summoned her weapon, balled her hands into fists, and as she was about to charge at the beast, the smaller human jumped in front of her. She was holding a sword in front of her, with both hands.

“STAY BACK” Jasper went to grab the human, not sure if she was trying to get her out of the way of the fight, or to keep her safe from the corruption in front of them. Either way, the human ran, sword first, at the corrupted gem before Jasper could grab her. The beast stood itself on its back legs, getting ready to leap towards the two standing in front of her, but all she managed to do was give the human a clear shot at her chest.

“You... you dissipated her on your own?” 

“Well, yeah?” Connie was panting. Her sword was in one hand, the blade rested on the ground. She used her other hand to pick up the round green gem. She waited to catch her breath before she spoke again. “I’ve been fighting with the Crystal Gems for a few years now. I actually started shortly after you arrived on e-“ 

Connie turned around to see Jasper staring at her. If she wasn’t entirely distracted by her helmet, Connie would of been the shocked, almost proud, expression Jasper wasn’t able to hide. “Jasper! Your helmet, it’s different!” 

She felt a sudden flash of embarrassment about her weapon, that made her phase it away. “So?”

“It’s so good! It suits you way more than the old one.” Connie paused and looked down at the gem in her hand. “Hey, um, I may be able to poof a gem, but I still don’t have magic powers. Would you be able to bubble it?” Connie took a step towards Jasper and held out the hand with the gem towards her. “You’re the only one here who can do it.”

“Uh, sure.” At least there was something she could do in this situation that the human couldn’t do for her. Jasper held out her hand so that Connie could place the gem in her palm. While she may have been familiar with humans since shortly after she emerged, she wasn’t entirely sure how easily they could be crushed. It would be safer if Jasper didn’t touch any human.

“I’ll have to walk this to the temple. Do you want to come with me? You could help heal her.”

“I don’t have healing powers.”

“No, but you could fill the bath up with water, pour the diamond bottles in, and put the bubble in the water.” Connie paused. “Steven would have to help though.”

Jasper stood silently for a minute. She hadn’t seen Steven since he warped away, telling her not to serve him, and she hadn’t seen the other gems since they found her in her pitiful state under the ruins of her former cave. She knew she didn’t want to see the others, but did she want to see her Diamond? “They don’t know that you’ve been visiting me.”

“So?” Connie began to walk off, and motioned for Jasper to follow her with the gem. At first, they walked in silence.

“I don’t want them in my territory, they don’t want me in theirs.”

“They’ll be fine with you being there, if you’re helping me.” Connie adjusted her bag so that the sword wouldn’t fall out of it. “Or, maybe, if you were trying to get help.”

“I don’t need help.”

“Need and want are two different things Jasper. You don’t want help.”

“There is nothing wrong with me, and no human is going to tell me otherwise.”

“I never said there was anything wrong with you Jasper.”

“You didn’t have to.” Connie almost didn’t hear her. Jasper didn’t intend for her to hear her, she didn’t even intend to say it out loud. 

She stopped walking and dropped her bag onto the ground. They were close to the edge of Little Homeworld. Connie figured if Jasper was with her, she could use the warp pad. Although, if Jasper bailed, Connie could probably ask another gem to warp her to the temple.

“Alright Jasper, I’m going to be real honest with you right now.

“I am trying to help you. Not because I think you’re wrong, or any lesser than what you used to be, but because I care. I can tell you’re struggling. You’ve isolated yourself from every other gem, and you have some sort of superiority or inferiority complex that probably strives from this planet and everything that happened in relation to the war. It isn’t making you happy. You’re not addressing your issues in a healthy way, you’re just using it to fuel your anger because you’re used to being an overly aggressive gem who can scare people into running away. 

“But you don’t even seem to be doing that anymore. You’re just laying down in your little area avoiding everything. Jasper you need help, not because you’re wrong, but because you’re lost. I’m not asking you to change who you are, I’m just trying to help you find a new place in this new era, and to get better, to feel better. And maybe that wont happen straight away. Maybe it won’t happen while I’m still alive to see it. Maybe you’ll never feel as good about yourself as you once did, but maybe that pride in yourself was misjudged and built on a lack of understanding of yourself, and everything around you. But era 3 is a chance to learn how to understand the planet you were made on, and to understand yourself.” 

Connie sighed and took a long breath in. She didn’t mean for her tone to become argumentative, but maybe that’s what Jasper needed. 

“Jasper, I don’t want you to become a crystal gem. I don’t want you to start speaking softly, to stop wanting to fight, and to start loving every form of organic life. I don’t want to force you into something you’re not, but to not learn and to purposely deprive yourself of new experiences, is a wasted opportunity. 

“You feel like you need a purpose, but don’t trap yourself in thinking you’re only good for one thing. Steven is not your diamond, he is not your purpose. If you need a purpose, you need to find your own purpose. Your purpose won’t come from someone else. Your purpose also won’t be the same thing for the rest of your life. It might not even be the same from day to day. It can change. You can change. You don’t have to lose everything about yourself to change, you can still be you.”

Connie picked up her bag and readjusted it again. She took the bubbled gem from Jasper. There was no point in Connie staying here waiting for a heart to heart with Jasper, she wasn’t going to get it. Regardless of whether Jasper wanted to come with her and help, this gem needed to be healed.

“Connie wait.” 

Connie was surprised to hear her name come out of the gems mouth. She hadn’t even had time to turn back around. “Yes Jasper?”

“You-“ Connie heard Jasper swallow. Was she swallowing her saliva? Did gems naturally have saliva, or was it like organs, something they had to manually give themselves. Connie watched Jasper cross her arms and frown. “-you didn’t have to jump in front of me. I’m perfectly capable of protecting myself against a corrupted gem.”

Connie chuckled to herself. While Jasper didn’t address anything she just said, the fact that she didn’t deny any of it, or even try to leap to her own defence, could mean Connie got through to her, at least a little. “Oh, believe me Jasper, I know... but I am also capable.”

Jasper crossed her arms and stared Connie directly in the eyes. “I can see that.” 

Connie turned around, and began to lead the way. “Besides...”

Jasper began to follow. “Besides what?”

“Isn’t that what friends do? Protect each other.”

A two way desire to protect. Is that what friendship is? Not wanting to protect someone just because you’re assigned to them, or because they’re superior to you, but wanting to protect them because you know they’d do the same. Wanting to protect them just because you care? Because you decided to care, instead of being told to? Jasper didn’t know what friendship was from a personal stand point. She’d always just witnessed it between other gems...

...wait.

“Friends? Us?”

“I think so, but if you don’t, that’s okay too.” Before Jasper could think of a response the human came to a stop in front of her. They’d reached the edge of Little Homeworld. “It’s easier if you just warp us to the temple. Do you think you could manage that?”

“I know how to activate a warp pad. But... I’m not warping into the temple.” Connie turned around to face Jasper, it was her turn to raise an eyebrow. “There’s a smaller pad outside the temple. I will warp us to that one.”

Connie decided it would be easier not to question it. She gently grabbed Jasper by the hand and lead her to the warp pad in the centre of the small gem town. Jasper was too afraid of hurting Connie to push her away. Instead she averted her eyes to the ground, trying to ignore the questioning gazes of the other gems they walked past.

...

A flash of light and they were outside the temple on the smaller warp pad, next to a washing machine and drier. Jasper didn’t realise Connie was still holding her hand until she let go. 

“Usually I get off of here because Steven warps us inside the temple. So how are we going to get down?” 

The last time Jasper was here she just jumped off of the side. She could easily do that again. Although the human probably wouldn’t be able to make a jump this high, otherwise she wouldn’t be standing there with her mouth and nose against a closed fist, deep in thought. Well, if she could dissipate a corrupted gem on her own, she probably isn’t as fragile as Jasper thought.

Jasper gently scooped Connie off of her feet and onto her shoulder, Connies arms instinctively wrapped around Jaspers head for stability. “What are you doing!”

Jasper caught the bubbled gem before it could fall. “I would hold on if I were you.” Jasper gently put her hand to her chest, locking Connie’s legs in place. She took a few steps to the edge of the sculpted hand of the temple, bent her knees, and jumped.

Connie screamed the whole way down.

She landed on the sand, with one arm holding Connie on her shoulder, and the other hand with a bubble hovering above it, along with the added weight of Connie throwing her centre of gravity off, Jasper lost balance and fell to her knees. Connie fell off her shoulder onto the sand in front of her.

Jasper jolted up and looked at Connie with a worried expression. She was on her back, attempting to roll onto her side, groaning. “Are you-“ Connie’s bag hitting Jasper in the back of the head cut her off. The sword landed blade down in the sand, right next to Jaspers hand.

Connie sat herself up and began to laugh. “That was too close.” She was okay, and Jasper found herself laughing too.

“We heard screaming! Connie are you oka- JASPER!” Pearl instinctively summoned her spear, and Jasper had to fight her own instincts to summon her helmet, instead she jumped to her feet, making sure the bubble hadn’t popped, ignoring the Pearl jumping off the side of the veranda. Pearl stopped in her tracks as Jasper held her hand out to Connie to help her up.

She let out a deep sigh as she stopped laughing. She looked up to see Amethyst standing next to the Pearl, whip at the ready. Both of them looked ready to jump out and strike at any second, but they were hesitant.

“Cut it out you two.” They all look up at the veranda to see the fusion standing with her arms crossed.

“Garnet!” Amethyst and Pearl’s voices synchronised.

“Everyone inside, now! Including you Jasper. I don’t want to hear complaints.” The fusion walked out of sight, the two gems cautiously following her. Connie dusted herself off and picked up her sword to put back in her bag. Jasper waiting fo her to lead her up the stairs of the beach house.

Jasper stood in front of the door as it closed behind her. Before anyone could begin to try and talk about what was happening, they heard footsteps coming downstairs. 

“Is everyone having a party without me, or something? I heard a bunch of yelling.” They all looked up to see Steven walking down the stairs from his room, and stop in front of the painting, look down with shock at Jasper standing across from the Crystal gems, Connie seemingly standing with her. He didn’t even notice the orange bubble in Jasper’s hands.

Steven looked as tired as Jasper felt. She had to resist the urge to salute him, but her pose stiffened inadvertently. He didn’t want to be her diamond, as much as she wanted him to be.

“Jasper?... W-what are you doing here?”

The Pearl interrupted before Jasper could answer. “I’m sorry Steven, we were just trying to get her to leave.”

The fusion put her hand on the Pearls’ shoulder, signalling for her to be silent. “No we weren’t. I also want to know why Jasper is here.”

Jasper looked away from the gems and towards Steven, before lowering her gaze to meet Connie’s, who was nodding her head in encouragement for her to talk. “I’m here to help Connie heal a corrupted gem.” Her statement was met with confused looks from everyone except Connie. “I’ll leave your terr- your temple, and return to my territory immediately after.”

Before anyone could ask Jasper another question, Connie stepped in, years of telling little white lies to her parents coming in handy. “I was visiting little homworld before coming here as a surprise. I started to wander near the edge of the forest when I saw a corrupted gem. Jasper poofed the gem before I could draw my sword. I asked her to help heal the gem since she helped to poof and bubble her.”

“But like, why was Jasper near Little Homeworld?” Amethyst was laying on the floor with her feet on the couch, looking at a comic book. 

Jasper shrugged. “I followed the gem.” Garnet hummed to herself, squinting at Jasper and Connie through her visor, not that they’d be able to see that. 

“Do you believe that, Garnet?”

“They have no reason to lie.” That doesn’t answer the question. “Connie, if Steven is up for it, pass him the gem and he and Jasper can heal it.”

“What!” Pearl started to quietly bicker with Garnet. Jasper handed the gem over to Connie to hand to Steven as he walked down the stairs. He grabbed the gem and walked towards the bathroom. Connie motioned for Jasper to follow them. 

“You don’t have to do this if you’re not comfortable, Steven.” Jasper looked at Connie gently rubbing Stevens’ back. “You can always spit into a cup or something and Jasper and I could handle this.”

Steven quickly glanced at Jasper as he went to open the door. “I’m okay, I can heal her and let the gems take care of the rest.”

They heard Amethyst groan loudly as they walked into the bathroom. “Come on P, it’s whatever, they’ll just do this and...” Connie’s voice drained out the gems voices as she began explaining to Jasper what Steven usually does to heal gems. Steven gently placed the bubble in the sink while Connie spoke to Jasper, it was only then he realised the bubble was orange. Of course it was Jaspers’, it’s not like Connie could bubble gems, so why was he so surprised?

“I’ll wait out here with the gems.” Connie smiled at both Jasper and Steven, before walking out the door and towards the gems. Steven closed the door behind her as Jasper turned the taps like Connie showed her. The bath wasn’t filling with water? Jasper quietly chuckled to herself. She hadn’t put the plug in. 

She hated bodies of water, and yet there she was, creating one. Steven’s voice snapped Jasper away from the water. His voice sounded... small.

“Jasper I am so sorry ab- about... about” Steven couldn’t bring himself to say it. He wanted to apologise to Jasper for what he did. It was only a few years ago he was telling Bismuth that no-one deserved to be shattered, and he had lost control of himself and shattered Jasper. While she wanted to fight and was enjoying herself, being shattered isn’t the same as sparring.

“We have more important things to focus on right now. This process will be more efficient if guilt related to other matters doesn’t distract from the focus.” Jaspers tone was just as short as usual, but it was like she was being careful not to tell Steven what to do. At least she didn’t call him her diamond.

Steven opened the cabinet. “The bottles are just in here.” Jasper grabbed the bottles, knocking a tube of of toothpaste onto the floor in the process, and tipped some of the contents into the water. It was a good thing Garnet had gone to Homeworld to get more Diamond essence for the bottles.

Connie had told her she didn’t need to use all of it, only a drop of each, but she tipped each bottle over too quickly, wasting almost half the contents each time. She cursed silently at herself each time. She stepped out of the way and stood at attention, waiting for Steven to stick his finger in his mouth and put it into the bath water. 

Gross. 

Jasper grabbed the bubble from the sink and popped it. She knelt onto the ground, not noticing that Steven flinched, and dropped it the bath. Water splashed up onto her hand, making her cringe. The gem hit the bottom of the bath with a thud. 

“Uh, you didn’t need to pop the bubble and drop it in like that.” Steven realised he doesn’t have the right to be lecturing Jasper on being careful with a gem. “I- I mean, if you just put the bubble in the water, it’ll pop itself.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” She flicked water off of her hand, and crossed her arms as she stood up and took a step back from the bath to give the gem room to reform. 

Steven was standing at the closed door behind her. The last time they had been in this room together wasn’t for a good reason. It made Steven uncomfortable. But while she was wrong about many things, Jasper was right about needing to focus on healing this gem.

The 10 seconds it took this gem to begin to reform was an awkwardly long and silent ten seconds. Just as Jasper was about to request permission to ask how long it usually takes for a gem to reform after being corrupted and bubbled, the green gem at the bottom of the bath began to glow. 

A body of light formed around the gem, which rested at her right thigh as her body stopped glowing, and set on a dark green hue. Her eyes slowly opened, and she jumped back against the wall at sight of the large orange gem being so close to her. What had she done wrong to deserve punishment from this gem?

“An Aventurine?” Jasper raised one eyebrow, it had been a long time since she’d seen an Aventurine Quartz.

“It’s you! You’re that Jasper that everyone talks abo- what happened to you?” The dark green gem looked down at the new light purple markings that covered her skin. “W-What happened to me?” 

This gem would be been in standard condition before her corruption. Aventurine’s are similar to Amethyst guards, and played a similar role as soldiers. This one seemed to of belonged to Blue diamond. The thing that stuck Jasper as the most abnormal, besides the corruption scars, was that her voice was a lot softer than most gems of her kind.

Steven prepared his answer, but before he could begin to say the words he’d repeated many times, Jasper took initiative. “Corruption. It alters your form and cognitive abilities.”

“I don’t understand. How-“ she trailed off, momentarily distracted by her new form. Jasper couldn’t tell if the gem had even noticed the strange room she was in, or the water that pooled at her feet.

“You’re not the only one. You’re healed now, so your form isn’t as altered anymore. You’re also in control of your gem again. There are others who-“

“The others!” The Aventurine’s pose stiffened, as did her tone. Fear of being in this Jaspers presence set in again. She began to speak as if reading from a screen. “I fought for Homeworld, we were meant to go back to the ships so the diamonds could-“

“You don’t have to give me a report.” Jasper sighed. She always found reports to be boring, but now she wouldn’t mind listening to them if it meant she had her purpose back- that’s not going to happen. Stay focused. “Things are different now. You’re on Earth, the Authority is no more, and...” Jasper was over this. “I think there’s pamphlets or something that explain it all.” Jasper pointed thumb behind her, to Steven.

“Hello! I’m Steven. I helped establish peace and democracy on Homeworld.” Steven smiled at the gem. His tone didn’t match the exhaustion in his eyes, but this gem was too afraid and confused to notice. “These days I leave this kind of stuff to my friends though! I’d like you to meet some Crystal gems, Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl. They, and others, run little Homeworld. They can answer your questions and help you find your friends. They’re just outside here.”

Steven opened the bathroom door, and walked towards the kitchen table, to give Jasper and the Aventurine the room to get out. Jasper extended her hand out to the scared and confused gem, who took it reluctantly. While helping the gem out of the bath, she put a hand on the back of her shoulder to help guide her out of the room. 

The gem caught her reflection in the mirror, and Jasper noticed as the gem instinctively reached her spare hand to the horns on her head. Jasper leaned in and lowered her voice. “You’ll get used to them eventually.” The gem was easily a foot shorter than Jasper, but since she had to duck her head down that far to get through the doorway, the gems on the other side of the door didn’t notice her whisper to the newly healed hem. She guided the Quartz out of the bathroom and towards the gems, closing the door behind her. She let go, crossed her arms again, and leant against the door.

“If you don’t want to learn about life on earth, you can always go back to Homeworld! Things are different there, and they also have programs to help get you up to speed.” 

“Woah, I’ve never seen a gem like this before. You’re all green, and your hair looks like clouds. What type of gem are you?”

“Amethyst!”

It took a moment for the Quartz to respond. After taking in the relaxed environment most of the gems in this room were providing, her pose became slightly more casual and her voice less frantic. She was clearly still nervous and confused. 

She waved Pearl off. “Oh no, it’s fine. I’m glad that’s what she pointed out.” She made a small attempt to laugh off her comment, and turned to the small purple gem. “Amethyst? I’m a Quartz Soldier, too. But an Aventurine.” She paused. “What’s a cloud?”

Jasper was highly respected by gems of equal and lower status during the war. This gem looked so overwhelmed. When Jasper had been healed she was angry, then confused, then ashamed. All before she took in her new form. Unlike everyone else, she had been around for the majority of Era 2. Reforming only two years later would have been much less of a shock. Compared to reforming thousands of years later. Without the context of Era 3, this gem would probably still respect Jaspers suggestions.

“Aventurine, you should go with these gems to their... school. If you don’t like it, you can go to Homeworld, but most of the gems who were corrupted go to this thing. It...” Jasper quickly glanced at the shocked expression on Pearl and Amethysts faces, not even bothering to look at Garnets visored face “it could help you understand the change of regulation.”

The Quartz agreed to see what the school was before making her decision to go back to Homeworld. The gem still had a lot of things that needed to be explained to her, and it would be easier to hear it from gems she knew, rather than the strangers that were guiding her to the warp pad.

“Am I wrong or did you just say little homeschool was a good thing?” Connie gave Jasper a teasing smile. She was not met with one back.

“You’re wrong.”

“But you didn’t insult it.” Jaspers pose stiffened at the sound of her diamonds- at the sound of Stevens voice. “That’s definitely something. Maybe you’ll even join?” She fought the urge to tell them she still thought the school Was dumb.

Garnet stepped onto the warp pad with Pearl, Amethyst, and the Aventurine. She left Jasper with a thought before warping away. “You acknowledged that it can be useful for other gems. It could be beneficial for you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally didn’t sneak in a gem OC into this chapter. I don’t know what you’re talking about.


	6. What is your purpose, today?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper decides what a new purpose could be, but she needs to discuss it before starting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lack of self discipline, and a tendency to forget things, may have contributed to me not writing/posting this sooner.
> 
> It’s exciting getting closer to the end.

“You want to help us track down corrupted gems?” Pearl sounded alarmed. She should be grateful Jasper wanted to do this, not act like it was a controversy.

“I don’t want to help you. I just want to track down corrupted gems.”

“Bruh, we haven’t found any corrupted gems in like, three years or somethin, I dunno.”

“Having someone looking for gems to heal would be helpful, while we focus on the school.” The fusion sat across from Jasper at the kitchen table, while Amethyst was laying on her back on the couch reading a comic. Pearl began to pace between Amethyst on the couch, and Garnet at the table. 

The three had come back to the temple to check on Steven between classes, but hadn’t gotten around to it when they saw the large orange gem sitting at the top of the staircase outside.

“We don’t even know if there’s any corrupted gems left, G. The one they found could of been the last one.”

“There’s up to 17.”

“How would you even know that! We don’t even know how many there are and we have been on Earth for thousands of years!”

“I still have access to the homeworld files. Once I got access to the school files, I looked at all the numbers and figured it out how many gems aren’t accounted for. Conveniently for you, it seems all the crystal gems have been healed.” Jasper crossed her arms and leant them on the kitchen table she was sitting at. “Don’t act so surprised, it’s not that hard to look at reports.”

“How did you get access to the homeschool files! And how d-“

“I just looked at numbers, gem type, and cut. I didn’t look at anything personal, so there’s no need to behave like this.” Jasper looked at Pearl, and shrugged.

Garnet shifted her visor. “It does explain why Connie requested homeschool files, and why Jasper has been spotted in Little Homeworld.” 

“WHAT! Jasper has been in Little Homeworld! Why didn’t you tell us, Garnet?”

“I didn’t know until yesterday. I overheard a conversation about how Lapis and Jasper were seen talking in the rain a while ago, and more recently them seeing Jasper going in and out of a building that Bismuth hadn’t come up with a purpose for..” 

“You went to see Lapis! JASPER you can’t do that! After everything you put her through, you have no right to confront her without warning.”

Jasper had almost forgotten how she’d run into Lapis, trying to get home after being shattered. “I haven’t even looked at her, or said a word to her”

“That’s a lie! Garnet just said you two were seen talking to each other.”

“Someone saw us standing near each other. They saw that three months ago, in the rain, at night. That doesn’t mean I spoke to her.”

“She has a point. I stand near you and ignore you all the time. During the day, not even an hour ago. Also, are we not gonna question the fact that Bismuth is straight up building entire buildings without a reason?”

“Not now Amethyst!” 

Amethyst shrugged at Pearl and continued to read her comic. “Sounds about right.”

Pearl pretended not to hear Amethyst mutter that under her breath. “Fine, pretend I believe you about Lapis, what about Connie? Why would Connie be working for you?”

Connie had already told her what to say if they got caught, or in this case, if Jasper walked up to the temple without warning, and talked about wanting to do this. “After the incident with the corrupted Aventurine, Connie came to me with concerns regarding corrupted gems, and asked if I wanted to contribute to Era 3 by helping any corrupted gems, since you lot are busy with that school. Also, she doesn’t work for me, we work together.” 

Making a point to specify to a Pearl that a human isn’t working for her, but working with her, as a equal. If the Jasper from even just 10 years ago could see her now...

“Why should we trust you? You kept the corrupted gems as prisoners in your kindergarten to fight us with, not to mention you’ve tricked Connie into grabbing you the files, ANd-

“The files were Connie’s idea. I was just going to walk off and track the gems, but she convinced me to stay and create a plan before starting. It’s pretty easy to figure out that diving headfirst into a situation and developing a strategy as I go along is more my style, rather than sitting around and looking at files so I can think of the steps of how to approach something.” 

“She’s just trying to help. Come on, Little ol’ Jasper wouldn’t lie to us.” Jasper cringed at being called little, and whatever ol’ meant, but it was better than being called Sis.

“Amethyst, you’re not being helpful. Why don’t you just go to little homeschool and let us handle this?”

“Oh yeah, I’ll let you ‘handle’ this.” Amethyst got off the couch and tossed the comic onto the table. She leant close to Pearl and started to whisper. “I don’t think this is helpful. Jasper is finally starting to come around, and we’re treating her like she treated us. Automatically thinking she’s here to mess things up, and make us do what she wants.” 

Pearl and Amethyst both looked at Jasper, who met them with a dismissive shrug. If Jasper wasn’t meant to hear Amethyst’s whispers, she greatly underestimated Jasper’s hearing.

“Why on earth should we give her another chance, when she rejected us every other time?”

“Because this time she isn’t.”

Pearl sighed. Amethyst had a point. 

Out of the corner of her eye, Jasper saw the fusion adjust her visor. “Pearl, Amethyst, we need to go back to little homeschool now. Jasper, I’m sure you can see yourself out.” Jasper nodded, and began to make her way to the front door, intending to go back to her territory. With protest, the other three gems walked over to the warp pad. “Come back another time so we can discuss this.” They warped away before Jasper could respond.

As Jasper was about to open the door, she heard a noise from upstairs. It must be Steven. She should be leaving, open the door in front of her and walk off. He wouldn’t even know she was there. 

Instead she began to walk up the stairs. She should ask him now. The Crystal Gems wouldn’t be able to interfere, although it would probably only be the Pearl who would interfere.

Jasper reached the top of the stairs, to see Steven sitting no his bed with his feet on the floor, his eyes closed. He seemed to yawning while he stretched his arms.

“I thought you were asleep.”

Steven jumped at her voice. Jasper noted that he wasn’t wearing his usual clothes with a star on it. She couldn’t remember if she had seen him not wearing a star before.

“Jasper?” She didnt mean to startle him, but should of known that her presence alone would be enough to startle him, regardless of how she was. “What are you doing here? Where are the gems?”

Jaspers pose stiffened without her realising. “I came to talk to the Crystal Gems. They just left, went back to that school. I heard a noise, and thought I would check on you.”

“Can you please, just go?” Steven sighed, rubbing sleep from his eyes. The sun was high in the sky, it must be midday. “I’m not in the mood for visitors right now.”

“My diamond.” She hadn’t even asked him yet, and she’d already made a mistake. I took more effort than it should have for Jasper not to put her head in her hands and groan. “May I ask why I have upset you? I thought you would of preferred me to serve you, to talk to the crystal gems instead of fight them?”

Steven continued to rub his eyes and dug his fingers down the sides of his face. It quickly became clear that this was a question Steven had gone though in his head multiple times. 

“I was just so sick of living up to everyone’s expectations of me. Because the expectations weren’t based on me, they were based on my mum. Your expectations of me were always low, and while I was upset with you for not trying to do something better once era 3 started, part of me liked being around you, even it it was just for a little while, because you didn’t think I was some amazing leader.” Steven started to glow pink. “But now you keep calling me your diamond! and expecting me to give you orders. I can’t handle it.”

“I understand that.”

“What? You do?”

“Yeah.” Jasper leant against the wall. “I always had high expectations put on me because of things that were out of my control. Most days it’s no problem, but every now and again, it feels like it would be easier to lose control and deal with the consequences instead of continuing on...” Jasper wasn’t staring at anything in particular, she blinked and snapped out of it. She crossed her arms. “Tell anyone and they won’t believe you.” Jasper sighed and chuckled. “Connie would kill me if she found out I was bothering you.”

“Wha-“

“It was a figure of speech, Steven.” 

Jasper didn’t know exactly what a figure of speech was, but it was the explanation Connie gave her, so she assumed it would be explanation enough for Steven.

“I- oh.” Steven returned to his normal hue, his confusion distracting him. “I mean yeah, I know it. I just didn’t think you did. Gems tend to be-

“Literal. Being literal is easy. It’s... familiar.” Jasper was done with this conversation. Steven didn’t want her here, so there was no reason for her not to walk out the door and leave.

“Why did you mention Connie?”

Jasper didn’t move. Why did she mention Connie? “Was just a thought...” What does Connie call it? “I was just thinking out loud.”

“I’m surprised you know her name.”

“I don’t remember her name from when you fused with her. Or from when I saw her in the snow.”

“Then how do you remember her name.” Steven frowned at Jasper.

She shouldn’t lie to Steven, but she also didn’t want to betray Connie. They had come up with a strategy to cover the fact that Connie had been visiting her this whole time, not just since the corrupted gem incident. “I’ve been talking to her lately. About corrupted gems and stuff. She has different- more information about corrupted gems than I do.”

Steven wanted to ask her to elaborate, but he was still tired and thought he should make some breakfast. He stood up and walked past Jasper, he began talking to her again as he walked down the stairs.

“You know, Jasper, most people tend to fall back on things that they’re familiar with to try and get themselves through a tough time, or a new change...” Like how Jasper falls back on anger as a defence, and Steven falls back on trying to help people as a distraction to his own problems.

“I am aware of that. I did that with you. Calling you My Diamond. I still want to protect you; I respect your strength.”

Steven stopped at the bottom of the stairs, Jasper stood in front of the family painting. “Because I shattered you?”

“I suppose that’s correct.”

“Jasper I traumatised you!”

“I don’t care.” Jasper shrugged.

“You should care! I took things too far, I lost myself in my power, and that is no excuse. I’m lucky I was able to heal you! I... I don’t know what I would of done if I couldn’t.” Steven could feel himself getting close to tears.

“No you misunderstood, being shattered is not a trauma of mine. My physical form has already been... altered by corruption. A cracked horn and a broken stripe or two isn’t much worse.”

“But-“

“Feel sorry for yourself and regret what you did all you want, but you are not forcing those onto me.”

“Jasper-“

“Just because you feel like I should be traumatised by what happened, or if you would be if you had of been in my place, doesn’t mean that is how I feel. You’re the one who was traumatised by what happened. Not me. Feel bad about yourself, I don’t care, but I don’t feel bad about what happened to me during that fight, so don’t pity me.”

Was Jasper telling the truth? Or was she in denial over it like she seemed to be with everything else. Steven was so tired. He couldn’t handle trying to figure out what the truth was. It was just easier to just believe Jasper for now. Someone could figure out the truth another day.

“Me calling you my diamond is a form of respect. Don’t mistake respecting you, for liking you or wanting to be your friend. If you wish to order me to stop, then order me to stop, and I will obey. But if you don’t want to order me to stop, then I will continue to call you that... sometimes.”

Steven sat silently for a moment. “Sometimes? Why not just stop all the time?”

“When I believe you need to know you have my respect, I will call you My Diamond... or when I accidentally say it, like earlier.” Steven looked uneasy, like he could turn pink again any moment. He didn’t want Jasper to call him her diamond. 

“Look, I am trying to compromise with you... Steven. If you want your own way, order it, and I have to comply, I have very little control over it. If you don’t want to give me an order, accept my compromise. I will put effort into fulfilling it- this won’t be something I will be able to complete instantly”

A long silence. A taste of her own medicine.

“Fine. I’ll agree to it.” Steven paused and chuckled to himself, which resulted in an eyebrow raise from Jasper. “I thought compromises were meant to make everyone happy, but it seems like both of us will be miserable regardless of the outcome.” 

“Compromise is where no one is happy. The only positive is that no one is happy at the expense of another.” Did Jasper really just say that? Connie must really be getting into her head. Maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing.

Steven walked over to the kitchen and began preparing his breakfast- more like lunch now. Jasper took his place at the bottom of the stairs. She crossed her arms and leaned against the wall again.

“Well, what are you going to do? I mean, there has to be a reason why you were talking to the gems. Got any plans?”

Jasper reflected on a prior conversation before answering. She had asked Connie what she had meant about flexible purposes, and after a lengthy conversation, they figured that it would be easier for Jasper to take it one day at a time. Ask herself what her purpose was for that day, and go from there. 

It took two weeks for Jasper to figure out that she wanted to track down the remaining corrupted gems. She was praised for her ability to track down gems during the war, and finding these gems to be healed would be a better thing to do with her life than constantly sleeping in the ruins of her territory.

During the last week Jasper (and Connie in her spare time) had been collecting and comparing data to figure out roughly how many corrupted gems there are left, and what type of gems they would be. It’s easier for Jasper to track down something if she knows what she’s looking for. 

“My current purpose is to track down, and bubble rest of the corrupted gems. There’s a few things I need to take care of, but I’m going to focus on that.”

“Well, as a word of advice, maybe don’t focus entirely on that all the time. It’s important to take time to yourself as well. You could also try new things, make some friends. Find a hobby that makes you happy, like morps or music, or maybe even sports! I think you’d like sports.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A hint for the next chapter: If I start drawing scenes again, I will be able to draw Ocean Jasper.


	7. Acknowledgment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper has some conversations in Little Homeworld

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lapis and Jasper interact in this chapter, but nothing bad happens.

Jasper found herself in Little Homeworld almost daily over the next week. While she believed she had enough information to start hunting down the corrupted gems, Connie wanted her to continue her research. She asked her to study different environments, and weather conditions of the earth. Connie said it was so she could be better prepared, but Jasper felt like she was stalling.

“You know, you’re here enough, you might as well move in.”

Jasper was inside a two story, cream coloured building. It was part of the tower near the centre of the town, where the warp pad was. She sat at the bottom of the stairs, she had covered the only window on the first floor with the blue tarp that used to be covering the entrance to the cave. The only natural light came from upstairs, where there was a large window, a door next to it, and a smaller window on another wall. The sunlight shone through the window onto a mirror that was at the top of staircase. Jasper could feel the mirror reflect the sunlights warmth on her back.

Connie was sitting at the table the two of them had set up for research two weeks prior. The table was pushed up against a corner, a chair and a large stool were set up in front of it. Connie sat in the chair, the stool was for Jasper, although she rarely used it while Connie was there. She left like she was pushing Connie against the wall when she sat on the stool.

Next to the table was a lamp, that only just fit between the table and a small set of stairs that just stopped at the wall. Jasper had no idea why they were there, they weren’t functional like the staircase leading to the second floor. Sometimes she sat on those stairs as well. Jasper never bothered to ask what was between the useless stairs and the window. It could be a barrel?

While the ceiling lights were perfectly functional, only the lamp in a corner was on.

“Move in?”

“You know, live here. We could set up a bed upstairs, get you some blankets. You could even-“

“I told you, I don’t want to go to that crummy school.” Jasper tapped her foot against the empty pot in the corner in front of her.

“You don’t have to go to the school to live in Little Homeworld. I was going to suggest you could participate in some of the activities. I hear that sports has been suggested to you.”

“I don’t know what this ‘sports’ thing is- are?” Jasper shook her head. “Regardless of that, I’m barely welcome here.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I’ve hurt a lot of the gems that live here. I don’t have the right to mark a territory here. The only reason I am here now is to research so I can better track the corrupted gems. Once I’m done, I’ll return to my territory.”

“Have you even talked to anyone other than me here?”

“Ru-Amethyst, the Pearl, the fusi- I mean, Garnet.”

“They don’t count, silly. They don’t live here. Have you spoken to any of these gems that you claim make you not welcome here?” Jasper grunted. “Jasper! You can’t just decide what other people think.”

“I didn’t decide. It’s not that hard to figure it out.”

“And where is your proof.”

“I hurt them, it’s logical that they wouldn’t want me here.”

“Not everything follows logic. You don’t know until you ask.”

...

Connie had told Jasper if she was going to start dealing with corrupted gems again, it might help to apologise to the corrupted gems she hurt. Jasper didn’t believe that Connie wanted her to apologise to the gems because she was going to track down corrupted gems, and Connie knew that. Jasper believed that Connie wanted her to find closure, not that she needed any, but it might give the other gems closure they need.

Connie helped her identify what gems she could remember hurting. Connie went out and asked the gems if they were comfortable with attending, and organised a sort of meeting/ session. Biggs, amongst other gems, attended the gathering. 

They gathered in an empty building that was sometimes used as an indoor yoga class. They all sat in a circle on cushions or stools, while Jasper sat legs crossed directly on the ground. Connie stood at the doorway, where Jasper could see her.

Jasper began by telling them about how she treated them like animals, locked them away in the Beta Kindergarten to create an army to fight ‘Rose’. She said she didn’t fully understand what they were at first, thinking they were just feral earth creatures. But Jasper admitted that it didn’t stop her once she realised what they were.

She hadn’t really apologised for what she did, she just acknowledged that what she did was wrong.

After she explained what happened, she mostly stayed silent, allowing the other gems to chat amongst themselves, even asked if they wanted her to leave. They asked her to stay.

Most of them forgave her, something she wasn’t looking for. She didn’t want forgiveness, what she did doesn’t deserve it, she just wanted to take responsibility for her actions.

Some of them had vague recollections of it, but for most gems don’t remember anything from their time as corrupted gems, amongst a blur of partial memories. 

Some gems thought it was too little, too late, but also didn’t hold anyone accountable for pre-era 3 actions. 

Most of the gems that forgave her said that they did bad stuff in the past and weren’t going to stay mad at Jasper, since they have been focusing on learning forgiveness and peace to help them move on. Jasper heard many variants of ‘Era 3 was a chance for a new start, to be the best gem you can be, to be happy’ while discussing what happened.

Jasper couldn’t understand why they were so... calm about it. If Jasper had of been in their place, she would be upset. If she didn’t remember what happened, she would be upset that she was told.

Jasper deserved anger, not this.

The only gem that Jasper specifically told Connie not to invite what might as well of been a group therapy session, was Ocean Jasper. Jasper felt that she deserved a more private conversation.

Jasper stood against the wall of Ocean Jasper’s living room. Connie said that Ocean Jasper had requested the conversation take place in her own home. Jasper didn’t understand at first, but she looked quite relaxed sitting on her couch. Jasper swore every light that was available was on.

“Ocean Jaspe-“

“Oh please, just call me Ocean.”

Jasper took a few seconds to respond. “Do you, know who I am?”

“Of course I do, everyone knows who you are! You’re The Jasper.” Ocean flashed her a toothy smile. Her voice was stern, not as gruff as Jaspers, there was somehow kindness in her voice. Jasper was almost glad Oceans hair covered her eyes. Since Era 3 began, she noticed she found it increasingly harder to talk to other gems while maintaining eye contact.

“I know about that thing you did yesterday, with the other gems that you... interacted with, when they were corrupted. It was brave of you to do that, very fitting of the great Beta gem warrior.” Ocean crossed her leg over her left knee, and lent an elbow on her right knee. “But since you’ve got me separate... I have to assume this about how you fused with me.”

Jasper was shocked. She was always determined to keep her emotions and reactions a secret, but her eyes tend to give her away. “You remember?”

“Not really. Kind of? There were... rumours, that you had developed corruption shortly before Era 3, instead of during the diamond blast like everyone else. One thing led to another and we figured it out.” Ocean shrugged. “Your spots kind match my colours, after all.”

Jasper looked down at her left hand, at the blue-green colours over her thumb and index finger. They painfully stood out from the red. So did the spot on her shoulder, along with her horns. At least the rest of her spots were hidden by clothes.

“I won’t forgive you for what you did Jasper. But I also won’t do anything, your scars are punishment enough. I’m cool if you’re cool.

Jasper shifted her gaze from her hand to the gem. “What?”

“It means no hard feelings. It’s Era 3, era of freedom and democracy. We don’t have to forgive people for their actions in previous Eras, but we can help each other change for the better, and learn how to get along. It’s time for us to learn how to be happy.”

Why couldn’t Ocean just be angry at her? 

“I used you. You had no connection between your gem and your physical form, and I took advantage of your state by fusing with you. Because I desperately wanted to win a fight, because I felt powerless without fusion-“ Jasper cut herself off, closing her eyes in disappointment and frustration that she’d let that slip. She wasn’t going to turn this into a pity party when she was at fault of this pain.

“Yeah you definitely did a bit of a whoopsie with that one.” Jasper was stunned. “You kinda already paid for that by getting corrupted though.” How could Ocean be so casual about this? “I came to terms with this a while ago. I mean, it’s nice to know you feel bad about what you did, or at least, know it was wrong. But hey, things are different now.” Ocean shrugged again, keeping a smile.

“I came here to take responsibility for what I did, not to be forgive. I regret what I did to you.” Jasper opened her eyes, but wasn’t able to bring herself to look at Ocean. “You know, this would be a whole lot easier for me if you were angry, and just wanted to fight me. I wouldn’t fight back either.”

Ocean laughed. “Why would I want to make something easier for you? I thought you liked a challenge.”

“Physical challenges.”

“Well, if it’s a physical challenge you want, I would love to play volleyball against you one day.” Jasper didn’t know what volleyball was, and didn’t have time to ask before Ocean stood up and opened the door. The sunlight from outside lit up the room somehow even more than before. “Consider it an open invitation. We play Wednesday’s down on the beach at 2pm. I’m sure plenty of others would be happy for you to join in.”

Jasper walked through the doorway and heard Ocean close the door behind her. Jaspers don’t give up, but they also don’t keep going. Ocean was a Jasper, so she was just as prone to pushing someone as Jasper was, but she was also just as prone to walking away from a conversation when she’s done. Or in this case, making the other gem walk away.

Most other gems saw it as rude, but Jasper would be a hypocrite to think that.

She saw Connie standing near the building they often met up in. Jasper assumed Connie would be persistent in finding out if she was successful in the discussion with Ocean.

“How did it go?”

“It went well.”

“You don’t look happy about that.”

“I’m not. I mean, I am? But I’m not.”

“Well, if you’re not happy about that, you’re definitely not going to be happy about this.” Connie looked worried, like she knew something Jasper didn’t, something that could go wrong, something that did go wrong?

“About what? What happened, Connie?”

“Nothing ‘happened’, not yet anyway.” Connie nodded to behind Jasper. “They wanted to talk to you.”

Jasper turned around to see three gems, one of them completely avoiding looking in her direction.

“I don’t believe we’ve met, I’m Bismuth.” Bismuth stepped in front of her two smaller friends, and extended a hand to Jasper, who crossed her arms instead. Bismuth smiled anyway. “Connie told me about your new kit.”

“My what?” Jasper frowned in confusion.

“Ya know, your helmet. Said it’s no longer a standard Quartz design. As a gem who’s speciality is weapons, I’d love to see it one day. Never seen a Quartz customise her helmet before.”

Jasper still felt shy from when Connie commented on her helmet when she summoned it when the corrupted gem threatened them. “Why are you here?” She should of asked why they wanted to talk to her, they live here, not her.

“We’ve just seen you ‘round lately, last couple weeks you’ve been hanging out in the spare tower side-building. Wondering what you were up to.”

“Right... so you’re here for gossip?” Jasper rolled her eyes and went to walk off.

Bismuth knew about how Jasper was assigned as Peridot’s escort to earth, and how she was the one Lapis fused with. Although she didn’t know much more than the basics, she knew enough to read how awkward this was quickly becoming.

“Jasper! We’re not here for that. You haven’t spoken to us since, well...” Peridot trailed off as she remembered the last time they spoke was while she was corrupting. Lapis stayed silent. Did Peridot not know Lapis tried to speak to her... “We just wanted to see how you’re adjusting. It’s been a long time since-“

“Since you saw me have a corruption induced breakdown before being corrupted, or since Lapis flung me off a water craft?”

The shocked look on Peridots face made Jasper question if she was even told about how Jasper stalked Lapis to try and convince her to fuse again.

“Well...” Bismuth trailed off, she wanted to try and break the awkward silence, but started before she had a plan in mind. “I’m just always happy to meet a new Quartz.”

“I’m not new. Plus, I already met you during the war. I dissipated you more than once.” Jasper thought back to the war, she was often caught up in using as much force as she could to dissipated many gems as she could that most of them reformed before she came back to take them back to the base. She would of been dissipated herself if she didn’t. “I’m not interested in this interaction.”

Bismuth turned around and looked down at Lapis, who had kept silent. She was the one who wanted to know what Jasper was doing here, and that wasn’t going to happen at this rate. “Come on Peridot, lets go.”

“But Bis! We can’t-“ Peridots words turned unintelligible as Bismuth picked her up and began to walk her off.

The three remaining heard Bismuth call out, making sure to raise her voice over Peridot, who was still squirming under her arm. “The invitation is always open to come by my place, Jasp.”

Connie looked between Lapis and Jasper, who were avoiding eye contact. “Do you two want some privacy?” Jasper shrugged, while Lapis nodded. 

Connie walked off in the opposite direction to Bismuth, towards the forest. Jasper assumed this meant Connie was going to Jaspers territory so she can question her after this conversation too.

The two remaining gems were silent. Neither of them looking at each other.

“Are you moving into Little Homeworld?”

“I don’t live here. I’m doing research and leaving once I’m done.”

“Everyone is welcome here, Jasper.”

Jasper looked Lapis directly in the eyes. “You cant say that. After everything I did to Steven, to the Crystal gems... to you.”

There was another long silence. Lapis wanted to respond straight away, but she knew if she didn’t take her time to think of a way to respond, she could quickly become hostile. It wasn’t that long ago she had lost her temper at the other Lapis Lazulis, and if her and Jasper got into a fight, it would be different.

“It’s not easy to understand at first, it’s hard to change, and even harder to put aside things that was wrong, but they- we, do nice things for the right reasons. We want gems to be happier, and here is somewhere they can learn to be a happier version of themselves. It’s not always easy, trust me, at times you almost wish things were bad again so you feeling bad makes sense...” Lapis trailed off. Jasper unfolded her arms to begin to walk off before Lapis snapped back into the conversation. “No matter what you did to them, they’re going to be happy to have you here”

“They’re not what I’m cautious of.”

“Jasper, I told you, I never want what we had.”

“I’m not asking for that again. I’ve learnt my lesson.”

“What I mean is, I don’t want to hurt someone the way I hurt you.”

“I’m not hurt.” Jasper spoke through a clenched jaw. Unsurprisingly, Lapis didn’t believe her. Jasper was looking at the ground, away from Lapis, and Lapis took the opportunity to look at Jaspers corruption scars. She noticed that one of Jaspers horns were broken, that wasn’t normal in any other corrupted gem she’d seen.

“I’m learning how to control my anger, my pain, and how to express it through morps instead of taking it out on others. I owe at least that to Steven, and this place gives everyone that opportunity.”

“So what, I should just pretend nothing bad ever happened? Just like everyone else here. Going about their new lives as if Era 3 is all there’s ever been.” It didn’t feel like that statement was aimed towards Lapis.

“Jasper, lots of bad things happened. You don’t have to pretend they didn’t happen, no one is pretending nothing bad happened. They’ve already started to move on, they have been spending the last couple years doing just that. If it seems like they’re pretending everything is fine, it’s because you haven’t been here to see what they’ve done to progress.”

Jasper grunted.

“What happened between us, neither of us were good. You manipulated me, and I dragged you under the ocean to hold you prisoner. We were forced apart, which was exhausting, but it was a good thing... I thought it was done, that I didn’t have to see you again.”

“Then I showed up on the boat.”

“Even before that, I missed hurting you. I told you, I liked taking my anger out on you. But I also told you it wasn’t healthy. I still don’t understand why you wanted that again, and I don’t know if you still do, but I want to make it clear that I am never fusing with you again. I’m not even sure if I’ll fuse with anyone ever again.”

“I was so desperate to feel powerful, I was willing to suffer through any punishment that yo-“

“That wasn’t punishment Jasper. It was abuse!”

“It was deserved.”

Lapis looked at Jasper with a worrying look. Had she really spent this whole time thinking that? “No, it wasn’t. If Steven has taught me anything, it’s that no one deserves to be hurt. I went too far, for selfish reasons.”

“I don’t want to be around you like this. Not now.”

“You don’t have to be. I’m not asking to be your friend, Jasper. Trust me, I’m not okay with what happened either, and I probably never will be. I’m not very comfortable being around you. But that doesn’t mean I, or you, can’t get better.” Lapis took a breath in, and closed her eyes. “I’m just letting you know I’m not going to try to make you leave. We don’t even have to talk to each other. This place is here to help gems, including you.” 

Lapis turned around and took in one last deep breat. “Don’t stop yourself from getting help because of what happened between us, and Malachite.” Her voice was quiet, she walked off before Jasper could respond.

Jasper flinched at the name of her first fusion. At least Lapis hadn’t seen it, but looking at her gem while she walked away didn’t make Jasper feel any better. Her back ached where that gem was connected to the body they once shared. 

That hadn’t happened in years. Sometimes when she looked at her spots or touched her horns, her chest would ache where the gem had been while she was fused with Ocean- Jasper shook her head, if she thought about that now, her chest would ache too.

She began to walk out of Little Homeworld. She was sick of talking.

“Jasper, are you okay?” Jasper had forgotten she saw Connie walk towards her territory. She appreciated Connies patience with her, and her sternness when it came to Jasper being unnecessarily stubborn, but right now she wanted silence.

“I’m fine, Connie. I just want to be left alone right now.”

Connie looked concerned. “Well, I don’t believe you’re telling the truth, but I’ll respect it. I’ll go, I have some school stuff to catch up on anyways. See you soon Jasper.”

Jasper sighed in relief. Connie was right, she wasn’t telling the truth, but she did want some alone time.

Jasper walked to her territory. While her and Connie had been doing their visits at Little Homeworld instead of in her territory, Jasper hadn’t moved the logs and stone. She stood in front of the stone table, turned around, and lent back so she lost her balance and landed on the stone. She looked up at the sky, unblinking.

After a few hours, the sky became to grow darker, the clouds turned a soft pink colour, before the sky became so dark the clouds looked grey.

Things weren’t automatically better because of the conversations she’d had. She felt empty inside, and like she wanted to go back to sleeping all day instead of preparing for the purpose she’d assigned herself. But somehow, Jasper also felt almost calmed by the conversations. She knew for certain how these gems felt, or at least, how they will behave around her.

Things weren’t fixed, but they were clearer now. It felt easier to make decisions without having as many ‘what if’ questions swirling into each other in her thoughts.

Was this closure?

...

It was a few days before Jasper returned to Little Homeschool.

The smaller upstairs room was empty. Jasper had only gone up there once before to see if there was a door, or something else she could cover the top of the stairs with. She was unsuccessful so didn’t see the point of returning upstairs.

A week earlier Connie had suggested setting up a bedroom upstairs. Jasper hadn’t taken it as a serious suggestion at first, but the last few days alone in the silence of her territory made her reconsider her dismissal.

Jasper had gone to different places in the gem town. She went to Angel Aura Quartz, who had set up her own little place in Little Homeworld. It seemed like Angel had been spending time learning about different fabrics to create soft blankets, and material clothes for Quartzes. 

Angel said she always had a special interest in soft things, said that’s why she was always happy to braid the other Quartzes hair. Offered to braid Jaspers hair one day, but she declined, saying she was just interested in getting some blankets and then she would be on her way.

Angel said if she was going to get some blankets, she should try out a mattress, and lifted up a box. It was an air mattress for Jasper. It wasn’t big enough for Jasper, Angel told her that and said she could get a proper mattress that was big enough, but it would take time.

Jasper refused. She already felt like she was overstepping boundaries, she didn’t want to be in debt to others anymore than she had to. Angel gave her more blankets than she had asked for, Jasper tried to refuse, but she wouldn’t budge. Angel flashed her a genuine smile as she handed over the box of blankets and told Jasper she’d be looking forward to seeing if she took up Oceans volleyball invite.

Quartzes were always so gossipy.

Jasper went to the greenhouse where she often saw Peridot teaching gems about the plant life on earth, and how to grow it themselves. Jasper didn’t want to learn about the organic life on earth any more in depth than Connie was asking her to research. She figured Peridot would have some tools for her to be able to dig up dirt instead of using her hands.

Peridot was surprised to see Jasper in the greenhouse, but wasn’t surprised that she just wanted to grab some equipment and then leave. She questioned Jasper on what she wanted to do, but when she didn’t answer, Peridot just handed her a shovel, which Jasper returned barely an hour later.

She had filled up the empty pot near the bottom of the stairs with dirt from her territory- from her old territory. This building was her new territory. She opened the boxes, and pulled out the deflated mattress. Jasper noticed a piece of paper drop on the floor, she saw it had writing and illustrations.

Connie had given Jasper some papers to help her translate the writing on the Little Homeschool, since Jasper only knew how to read Gem Glyph. Jasper kept on saying she couldn’t read human and Connie would correct her by telling her there were many different written and spoken languages, but Jasper would just shrug, and repeat herself putting more emphasis on the word ‘human’.

Jasper only translated the word ‘instructions’ before stopping. She figured she could just look at the diagrams. The diagrams showed a human using a pump to put air into the mattress, a picture showing them not to blow it up using their mouth, but Jasper rolled her eyes. She wasn’t a human, she could probably blow it up without a tool.

She started to blow the mattress up, and as she was part way through, she realised she probably should of started inflating it up upstairs. There wasn’t enough air in the mattress for her to not be able to walk up the stairs with it, but she didn’t like how flimsy it was in her hands. 

It was sunset by the time she had gone around Little Homeworld and collected everything she needed. She finished inflating the mattress and sat on it to watch the clouds change colours and the sky go down. The mattress was surprisingly stable considering it was a flexible material and was just filled with air.

After the sun had fully set, Jasper went back downstairs and grabbed the blankets out of the second box. She left the two boxes on the ground as she went back onto the second floor. The box that had contained blankets from Angel wasn’t completely empty, Jasper had grabbed the scraps from her old blanket while she was filling the pot with dirt.

She threw the blankets onto the mattress and slowly laid herself down. She adjusted the blankets around her, and rested her head on her arm, facing the larger window. 

She figured the sunrise would light the room up in the morning. The two windows made sure of that. Jasper didn’t want to cover these two up, like she did with the window downstairs. She found comfort in the sunrise waking her up.

Jasper couldn’t help but laugh at herself. She was voluntarily on earth, she had made friends with a human, was in the process of settling herself in a gem town built by crystal gems. Sure she was doing this as a result of the gem empire being destroyed, and the authority having been dismantled, but she still found it ironic. Everything she was doing went against everything she built herself to be, and yet, she wasn’t being punished for it. She had been encouraged to do these things, and for the first time, she didn’t feel manipulated into changing.

Angel definitely knew a thing or two about earths fabrics, these were much softer than the blanket Jasper had torn to shreds.

Wrapped up in the blankets, closing her eyes, Jasper began to feel something she hadn’t even felt in her cave, or anywhere else before then. She began to feel at home. Imagine that. The pure irony.

Earth really could be home.


	8. The Jasper, finally a Quartz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper takes some advice and tries out sports

Jasper stood on the beach, her back to the ocean. She felt like she should be hurting, almost every time she had been on that beach, led to negative things. It wasn’t silent, she couldn’t focus on negative thoughts that threaten to creep up in the back of her mind. She was focused on the Quartzes in front of her.

She had attended a volleyball match, like Ocean had offered. At first she stood to the side, observing the different strategies the game that the other gems were using. Always trying to find an advantage by analysing the weaknesses of her appointments. 

Jasper had told Connie about the game invitation the day before, not wanting to actually ask her if she thought she should go, but figuring Connie would be vocal about whether or not she approved. Jasper was right about that. Connie was enthusiastic about Jasper attending sporting activities with the other Quartzes. She had said it would be good for Jasper to finally start doing Quartz things with other Quartzes.

Connie had taken it upon herself to teach Jasper the rules of volleyball. While watching these gems play, it seemed like they were ignoring the rules. 

“Any chance you want to join in yet, Jasper?” Jasper almost jumped at the sudden touch on her shoulder and voice in her ear. She looked down at her shoulder to see Oceans hand.

“The strategies being used goes against the knowledge I’ve acquired of this game.” Jasper wasn’t sure where she stood with the other Quartzes, she still wasn’t used to casual confrontation, and her choice of words reflected that.

“Oh yeah, that will happen. The rules tend to get thrown out the window for good old fashioned fun.”

Jasper slowly blinked, taking her time to process what she had just been told. She shouldn’t be so surprised, it is Era 3 after all. “How do you control the order of things then?”

“We don’t? We just trust people to behave themselves.” Ocean slapped Jasper on the back so hard she had to step forward to keep her balance. “Come on, join in.” Ocean tilted her head towards the makeshift volleyball court, motioning for Jasper to walk onto it. “Oh, and relax. There’s no need to be so formal.”

Jasper grunted to herself. She slowly walked onto the court and stood in the back left corner with her arms crossed. She looked over at Pearl, who had a whistle in her mouth, waiting for all the Quartzes to get into position.

“You know, it might be easier for you to play if you phase yourself into more comfortable clothes?” Angel motioned to her own clothes, which wasn’t completely covering her torso and legs, like Jaspers uniform always had.

“Yeah and get your damn hair out of your face.” The purple Lace Amethyst gave a toothy grin, her clothes covered even less of her body than Angels. Like Angel, her hair was completely covering her eyes.

Jasper rolled her eyes, her clothes weren’t a problem, they never restricted her movements while she was fighting, and they weren’t going to restrict her movements now. Unlike other Quartzes, Jasper couldn’t handle her hair covering her eyes, but her usual fighting style kept her hair out of her face. But she isn’t fighting, and her hair wasn’t going to keep out of her face.

While she could of easily just phased her hair into a pony tail, she decided to humour the other Quartzes and alter her clothing as well. It wasn’t much of a difference, she just phased her pants to start lower on her waist and end midway down her thighs, and got rid of her shoes. 

Usually she was ashamed of her corruption spots, and had always preferred to keep her stomach and legs covered. Right now she was mostly around other corrupted Quartzes, surely they wouldn’t judge her, they were corrupted too. She may have done it to herself, but she has the similar scars they do.

Pearl hadn’t acknowledged Jasper up until this point. Jasper saw her looking at her, and went to scowl at her, before Pearl silently gave Jasper a thumbs up and a smile. Jasper was expecting some form of criticism, like she had been getting from her over the last few months.

Pearl blew the whistle, and the volleyball was served into the air.

Jasper could feel her muscles strain after not being used properly in months. She stopped thinking about everything, completely focused on the Quartzes in front of her and beside her. She cupped her hands and watched the other players feet, as they stepped towards where they thought the ball would be. When the ball came towards her she jumped to hit it, hoping it would go over the net.

Jasper mostly stuck to the back, as the other Quartzes ran around, crashing into each other, knocking them into the sand. The ball hit Jasper in the chest as she focused on the movements of the gems on her side of the net, which almost knocked her over. She laughed as someone on her team threw themselves onto the ground in front of Jasper to keep the ball from hitting the sand.

The volleyball was hit into the air and knocked onto the other side of the net, and they all continued playing without Jasper’s mistake having any effect.

After a dew games, Jasper was moved to the front. She had to change her tactics, she couldn’t keep waiting for the ball to be hit to her, she needed to be proactive and jump in the way to catch the other team off guard and make them miss the ball.

The ball was hit into the air to land near her, so she jumped up, threw her hands behind her head and hit the ball as hard as she could to the other side of the net. The ball hit the ground before Jasper did.

Jasper’s feet fell out under her as they hut the ground, her back slammed onto the ground with a thud. The gems on the other side of the net had ran away from the ball instead of towards it. It was a good call on their behalf. Where the ball had hit the ground, was now a cluster of sharp glass spikes, some glass shards scattered around it.

One of the glass spikes almost hit Lace Amethysts gem. She stood silently in shock, starting at the glass that had threatened to crack, or even shatter her gem. 

Jasper began to panic. 

Before she could explain she hadn’t meant to hurt anyone, and that she didn’t know the sand would do that, Lace and the other Quartzes started to laugh. The sounds of Pearl’s whistle rang in Jasper’s ears.

Pearl walked over to Jasper and offered her hand. Jasper reluctantly put her hand around Pearls wrist and allowed the smaller gem to help her off of the sand. “You know, its funny, usually these gems would have cracked each other by now.”

Jasper let go of Pearls wrist and began to dust the sand off of her body. “Does that happen often?” Jasper tried to ignore the feeling tugging at her gem that she should have been punished for this, not helped up.

“Oh come on Jasper. You know Quartzes, you guys either out all your energy into something, or none at all.” Pearl and the other Quartzes laughed. “The last time the beach was ‘spiked’, three gems were poofed and another two had to be healed.”

A few more games were played before Blue Lace Agate found her body strung around the sand, her gem cracked. Pearl blew her whistle and signalled for everyone to start packing up while she took Blue Lace into the temple to be healed. 

The Quartzes had started to get cracked gems so often while playing sports, that they started to collect water from Rose’s sanctuary to heal gems with, instead of asking Steven to manually heal the gems with his spit.

While Jasper watched a couple of the Quartez pack up the net and volleyballs, she couldn’t help but think sports were surprisingly like training. And that the other Quartzes seemed happy for her to play alongside them. 

Jasper phased her usual uniform back on, and felt her hair drop to it’s usual length. She decided to begin walking back to little homeworld instead of using the warp, and it wasn’t long before Ocean had caught up to her.

“Leaving already? You didn’t even give me a chance to invite you to baseball tomorrow.”

“I appreciate the invitation... but I already imposed enough on your event today.”

“You didn’t impose, we enjoyed having your company. You’re a good player, and I’m sure if you play again, people will be begging for you to be on their team.”

Jasper continued to walk, she stayed silent. It wasn’t long before she heard another set of footsteps joining the group.

“How come you two are walking? The warp is much quicker.” Angel Aura Quartz.

“Oh Jasper here thinks she’s imposing on our sports, and I’m trying to tell her she’s not and that she’s welcome to play more. What do you think, Angel.” 

Angel laughed. “I think Jasper doesn’t have a choice and she’s gonna come join us no matter what.”

Ocean leant her arm on Jaspers shoulder as they walked. “Well then, sounds offical, you’re coming to play baseball tomorrow. I’m telling you, Angel doesn’t take no for an answer.”

Jasper thought back to just a few days ago about her first interaction with Angel. “Yeah, I’m aware.”

...

Baseball wasn’t what Jasper was expecting. She hadn’t seen Connie since the other day, so she didn’t have anyone to explain what it was, until she showed up.

“It’s easy. You just hit the ball with the bat, and run to each of the while pads on the ground, until you make a full circle. Someone catches the ball before you get to a base, and you’re out. When you’re not batting or running, you’re trying to catch the ball and get it back to the baller or someone at the base. There’s other rules and what not, but just listen to the whistle and you’ll be fine. Think you can do it?”

Jasper looked down at Amethyst. The gem who she had constantly ridiculed for being defective, who she had dissipated, and even tried to shatter at one point, was happy to teach her how to play a game. 

“Would I be able to watch before playing?”

“Sure, we can put you on the batting team, and just put you at the end of the line.”

Jasper lined up with the rest of the gems she was put on a gem with. She stood, leaning on the nearest wall, while watching the gems play the game, hoping to be able to figure out exactly how she was meant to play. Biggs smiled silently at Jasper as she stood next to her. She gave a half smile back.

Amethyst passed Jasper a baseball cap. “Here. You’ve gotta wear this.”

“Half the gems here aren’t wearing one.”

“Well, no.” Amethyst looked uncertain. “I just thought you might like to, I mean you have a helmet. Thought you might like hats.” Jasper stood silently and stared at Amethyst, waiting for her to leave. “Here, I’ll leave it here for you, you don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to.”

Jasper watched a Nephrite threw a ball at an Orange Spodumene with a metal bat stood in front of a Ruby with a glove. The Spodumene swung the bat too slowly, and the Ruby caught the ball before yelling out “Strike one!”

Jasper leant over to. “What does strike one mean?”

“It’s like a warning. Miss the ball three times and you’re out. Next batter.”

“Amethyst didn’t mention strikes.”

Biggs gave a loud hearty laugh. “She probably didn’t think you’d need to know.” Jasper shook her head and continued to watch the game. “You know, she’s just trying to make you feel welcome.” Jasper shrugged.

She watched silently until the Spodumene made the first run, and lined up after her. “Do you get to bat again?”

“Yep! I got what’s basically a point, so I can run again after everyone else.” Jesper hummed to herself, she thought it was interesting they got multiple turns if they succeeded.

Jaspers attention went from the game to Amethyst. She was wearing material clothes and had a whistle like Pearl had the day before. Amethyst was focused on the gems running around, occasionally blowing her whistle.

Jasper looked down at the cap Amethyst had put in her hands and sighed. She sat down, and phased her clothes to be the same as yesterday, and tried to put the cap on. She struggled to put it on, and thought it was too small, but then realised it was because of her horns. 

She saw that Amethyst was using the part at the back of her cap to put her hair through. Jasper let her hair down again, and turned the cap around to put her non broken horn through the back of the cap. She crossed her arms and waited for her turn.

By the time she was up next, Jasper felt like she understood how to play. She watched as Biggs hit the ball, and managed to run by all four bases before the ball got back to the baller. She watched as her teamed cheered at Biggs who threw her arms in the air and yelled “Home Run.”

Jasper picked up the bat off of the ground. She swung it behind her head. At least the Ruby didn’t have to worry about getting hit in the head by Jasper as she swung.

“Remember to drop the bat before you start running.” She almost didn’t hear the Ruby giving her advice. She stuck her thumb up behind her back, before gripping the bat with both hands.

Nephrite threw the ball, Jasper swung. She swung too early. “Strike one!” Ruby threw the ball back to Nephrite. “Strike out and the teams swap places.”

Jasper grunted as she readjusted her grip on the bat to be tighter, and blew her hair out of her face. She eyed down the Nephrite and waited for her to throw the ball.

The Nephrite smiled at Jasper, and threw the ball. This time Jasper swung, keeping her eyes on the ball, and hit the ball.

“DROP THE BAT AND RUN” Jasper did just that. She got to the first base, Second base. She began to slow down as she was running to the third base, trying to see where the ball was, but persistent yelling from the gems on her team made her speed up and try to make a home run. 

She got to home base, and turned around to see Nephrite catching the ball seconds later. Jasper wasn’t out of breath, but she was definitely breathing heavier. Biggs coming up and slapping her on the bed, congratulating her on her home run definitely didn’t help. 

Jasper didn’t mind batting, but she definitely preferred bowling. She had a glove on her right hand, and the ball in her left. She made eye contact with the Ruby holding the bat and threw the ball.

She enjoyed watching the different gems different facial expressions as she went to throw the ball towards them. A few gems struck out. At one point Jasper caught the ball directly after it was hit. It felt good when her team cheered.

After a two or three swaps of which team was batting and which tea was balling, a few other gems showed up asking if they could play. Jasper volunteered to sit out, she was getting close to getting ready to go back to her place.

Amethyst came up to Jasper as she stood against a wall watching the others play. Someone else had taken over umpiring. Jasper was planning on watching a swap or two before walking off. 

“I heard you played Volleyball yesterday. Pearl said you did well.”

“I almost hurt another gem. I hit the ball too hard and the sand turned into glass.”

Amethyst laughed. “Oh yeah, one time I shapeshifted into a ball and Garnet hit me into the sand to spike the beach... I think that was before we met you.”

“Right- As great as I’m sure that story is, I think I’m going to go.” Jasper phased her uniform back on, and took off the cap. “Here, take this back.”

Amethyst pushed the cap towards Jasper. “Keep it, man. It’s yours.” Jasper looked down at the cap, and looked back at Amethyst.

“Are you sure?” 

Amethyst was taken back by Jaspers question. “Y-yeah?” Jasper looked suddenly frustrated before she began to walk away. “Hey, Jasper?”

Jasper grunted.

“Glad to see you’re finally coming around.”

Jaspers face softened momentarily. “I’m not.” Jasper gave Amethyst a smile, something neither Amethyst nor herself was expecting. 

“Sure thing, whatever you say chief.” Amethyst put two fingers to her forehead and did a small (human) salute with her tongue sticking out.

...

The next day they went to an area of Little Homeschool that Bismuth had recently made. It was called a court, although it was clear to Jasper that it wasn’t like a diamonds court. They played Basketball there. 

It reminded Jasper of when her and Peridot were on the hand ship on the way to Earth, and Jasper would grab some of her flask robonoids and toss them around the on ship training room, throwing them against the wall for them to bounce off in a random direction, so that Jasper could test her reflexes. Jasper quickly learnt that she couldn’t use her full strength on the robot orbs, as they would hit the wall and instead of bouncing back, green ooze would splatter over the walls along with metal pieces. 

While these were bouncier and actually made for this activity, she didn’t want to make the same mistake and burst these basketballs. She felt like she wouldn’t be forgiven for destroying the property, she didn’t even notice how often the other Quartzes would destroy sporting equipment for being too rough. At least the broken equipment could be used for morps.

“Are all sports ball related?” Jasper was puffing to catch her breath, she hated how obvious it was that she hadn’t been doing much physical activity as of late. 

While the gems are made out of light, their forms can become easily strained if they go from little to no use, to constant use. Breathing, while not needed for a gems survival, was an involuntary response. 

An easy fix would be to dissipate, that would get her body back to normal, but dissipating twice in the last couple thousand years was enough for Jasper, let alone dissipating twice in the last few years. 

“No, but there’s a fair few ball sports.” Tomorrow we don’t have any sporting events planned, but we were maybe going to go have a picnic.

Biggs walked past Jasper, putting the basketballs in a bag, to store away. “You should join us if we do. It’ll be fun.”

Jasper looked at the wall behind Biggs instead of looking directly at her. “I don’t know what a picnic is.”

“Well, consider it a social gathering... You’ll find out tomorrow.” Biggs gave a toothy grin, and while Jasper couldn’t be sure, she swore Biggs had winked.

So many of these Quartzes gave genuine, toothy smiles. Their hair was always in their eyes, but Jasper felt like they always closed their eyes while smiling that that, or at least one eye.

As much as Jasper didn’t want to admit it, she was beginning to enjoy herself. She felt herself begin to go back to the way she used to be, except different. She was getting her strength back, and was using her energy again. But it wasn’t against an enemy, or an emotional unstable teenager, it was against fellow Quartzes. 

It was almost like when they would spar for entertainment of the higher ranked gems, like Agates, and Emeralds, after the war. Except this time they were doing it for their own enjoyment, when and where they decided.

Jasper was surprised to realise she had spent the last few days interacting with other Quartzes daily. Interacting in a positive way. While she was still mostly keeping quiet during conversations, she found herself getting closer to joining in... getting closer to them?

She enjoyed listening to the friendly banter between the Quartzes. In the past she would of rolled her eyes and walked off, but she was finding herself wanting to join in. Like she had been missing out on a big part of her identity as a Quartz. Her fear of coming across as aggressive and genuinely insulting kept her from joining in. She felt like that could change with time though.

Jasper was never a true Quartz. She has always felt like a soldier, but part of her had always felt detached from the ‘Quartz’ part of the ‘Quartz Soldier’ title.

But she never felt like she belonged as a Quartz. Not amongst other Quartzes. She had always told herself that it was because she was from earth, from the Beta Kindergarten. Expect she always knew that wasn’t why, since she didn’t feel like she belonged with her fellow Beta’s either.

Always felt like she was either above other gems or below them, never felt like an equal.

Playing sports with these corrupted gems, and even Quartzes that had never been corrupted, felt right. It had only been a few days, and she was still restraining herself, and she was still uncertain. Despite that, for first time she could remember, she started to genuinely feel like she belonged amongst other Quartzes.

Jasper was truely becoming a Quartz.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was going to be the last chapter, but I decided to split it in two as it kept getting longer.
> 
> One last chapter to go, I should post it in a few days.


	9. Farewell, My Diamond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper hangs out with her fellow Quartzes, shows Bismuth her helmet, and says goodbye to Steven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy content for Jasper I can’t wait to draw!
> 
> She has a long way to go, but she’s finally getting some of the acceptance she deserves.

She looked at the box and note that were left at her door with confusion. It was handwritten in gem glyph, so it was clearly from a gem, and Jasper could tell it was a Quartz that wrote it. 

The writing was very disorganised and hard to read- one of the reasons gems had transferred to a completely digital system was because whole veins of gems, most notably Quartzes, were made handwriting so terrible that it almost made reports a problem rather than helpful.

Jasper had come to realise that she struggled to focus on written words because it was often written too small for her to be able to concentrate for long enough. When she had admitted it to Connie, she said she used to have to wear glasses because her eyes didn’t work properly, before Steven accidentally healed them.

Jasper had gotten her hands on a pair of glasses that were large enough for her to wear, although they had a pink tinge to the lenses. 

The note said to meet the other Quartzes by the entrance of Little Homeworld, and wear what’s in the box. Jasper opened the box to see material clothing. She sighed out loud. She didn’t want to wear material clothing, her own uniform was sufficient, but she felt kind of touched that the others had gone and done this.

She took the glasses off, and put the material clothes on, with some struggle, and looked down at what she was wearing. They seemed to be vaguely similar to what she had phased herself into while playing sports, except it wasn’t fused to her body, and moved in different ways when she moved. It almost felt like she was wearing a blanket.

Jasper walked down to the entrance barefoot, meeting up with the other Quartzes. Waiting for here were Amethyst, Angel, Ocean, Zebra Jasper, Lace Amethyst, and Blue Lace Agate.

They left shortly after she arrived. They had various supplies they were brining to this ‘picnic’. Jasper asked if there was anything she could do to help, and was given something that looked like some sort of container, so she was carrying it under her arm. 

As they were walking, Jasper stayed silent, listening to the other gems gossiping about minuscule issues and events. She didn’t feel the need or want to join in, she was just happy she was being useful.

Angel wrapped her arm around Jaspers shoulder, which made her hunch over slightly as they walked, almost dropping what she was carrying. She still wasn’t used to other gems, especially Quartzes, being nice to her. 

Up until recently, other gems had essentially only touched when when they’d been fighting. Her initial reaction to Angel putting her arm around her was that she was being put in a headlock, but she was too busy trying not to drop the container to react before she spoke.

“We were startin to wonder if you were gonna show up! I see you’re wearing the clothes I chose out for you. Do you like them?” Jasper took a few seconds to respond.

“I went to the door when I heard the knock. It took a bit to register what was going on...” Jasper grabbed Angels hand and moved it off of her shoulders and readjusted the container with both hands. “...also I didn’t fully understand how the heck clothes worked.”

Angel laughed and gently punched Jasper’s shoulder. “Didn’t answer whether you like them or not.”

“They’re.... different. I don’t hate them.”

“Well, coming from you, I’ll take that as a positive.”

The Quartzes stopped walking, and began to put everything on the ground, so Jasper followed and did the same. She wasn’t expecting the Quartzes to be going to a field. “Great, grass everywhere, my favourite.” 

“You like grass?” Jasper had meant to mutter the sarcastic comment to herself without anyone, specifically Amethyst, hearing.

“No. I very much do not.”

“Right, you still in that ‘earth is a prison’ boat?” Jasper stared blankly at Amethyst.

“Wh- what?”

“Oh you know, when you were corrupting, you said something about earth being a prison, and you being better than it. Idk man, crazy times.”

Jasper rubbed her fingers over her knuckles. “I don’t remember the specifics of what I said.”

“Oh...” Amethyst had momentarily forgotten that Jasper hadn’t been spending the last two years focusing on getting over her trauma, like her and the other Quartzes had, and probably wasn’t comfortable enough with what happened, or with the other quartzes for that matter, to joke about it yet “well, if it makes you feel any better, neither do I.”

“Yep, I feel great now.” Jaspers monotone voice was accompanied by a sarcastic thumbs up. “Where’s Biggs?”

“She had some stuff to do in Little Homeworld. Why do you ask?”

“She suggested I come. I just assumed she would be here.” Amethyst shrugged. “So, what do we do at picnic?”

Blue Lace Agate dropped what she was holding onto the ground. “We do a bunch of things. Mainly sit down, chat and eat. Why don’t we play leapfrog?”

“What’s that?”

“We line up in a line, crouch down, and someone jumps over us. Then once they’re done, they crouch down at the front of the line and the person at the back jumps over everyone. It’s fun.”

“That sounds dumb.”

“Don’t knock it till you try it.” 

Zebra Jasper and Ocean volunteered to set everything up for the picnic while the others showed Jasper how to play leapfrog. The other Quartzes lined up. Jasper lined up in the middle of them, so that she could have the chance to see what is supposed to happen before she has a go.

“This looks and feels incredibly stupid.”

“Yeah... but it’s fun.” 

Crouching down felt unnatural to Jasper. Usually crouching down like this meant she was showing she respected someone she felt was superior in status or strength to her.

Jasper felt even more uncertain putting her hands on the other gems shoulders to jump over them. She was perfectly capable of jumping over them without making physical contact, but the unnecessary contact was part of the game.

Going from jumping over Blue Lace to jumping over Amethyst was a sudden shift. Jaspers hands slipped on Amethysts shoulders which caused her to flip forward into Angel, her panicked grip on Amethysts shoulders taking her with her. 

Crashing into Angel caused her to be pushed forward, which ended up with Jasper on her back with one Quartz in her arms and another on her legs and stomach. During battle she was always prepared for her balance t be thrown off. This time she wasn’t prepared, and it was disorientating.

Jasper groaned in pain. “I didn’t mean for that to happen.”

Jasper heard the other Quartzes laughing. She couldn’t tel if they were laughing at her, or laughing it off until she opened her eyes to see Angel extending her hand to Jasper. 

“If you want help up, you’re going to have to unleash your death grip on Amethyst.”

Jasper quickly let go of Amethyst and pushed herself back. “I-I didn’t mean to do that either.” Amethyst looked surprised, but was quick to laugh it off while rubbing her shoulders. Jasper got herself up, ignoring the extended hand.

Jasper was ready to walk over to Zebra and Ocean to help them finish setting up, when she was suddenly dragged back into the line. She crouched down again without saying anything, and let the others jump over her.

She wondered if they every payed this with humans. Surely that wouldn’t end well. Would the humans even be able to jump over the Quartzes?

She had gotten distracted again, it was her turn and she wasn’t moving. When Lace Amethyst turned around to see if Jasper was going to go, she noticed Jasper wasn’t crouching down in the same way as before, but was just staring at the ground.

Before she could try to get Jaspers attention, they heard a loud whistle. Jasper snapped out of her thoughts and looked up. They all looked over to see Zebra with her fingers in her mouth, motioning for them to come over to where they were setting everything up.

They walked over to the blankets that had been put on the ground. There were various snack foods that Jasper had no interest in, so she sat down resting her feet on the blanket, while putting her arms behind her head, leaning against a tree.

“Aren’t you going to eat, Jasper?” Ocean seemed concerned.

“Eating... isn’t my thing.”

“You’re the only Quartz I’ve met since Era 3 started who hasn’t been interested in eating.”

Jasper shrugged. 

She watched as they ate the food and started to talk about Little Homeschool. Jasper didn’t know much about the little thing they had going on, but by listening to the others talk, it seemed like it was a more elaborate and planned than she originally thought.

After a while, Jasper heard a ding, followed by Amethyst speaking. “Oh man, text from G. I’ve gotta split. I’ll be back in like 10, maybe 15.”

Amethyst spun off. She must of been in a hurry to get there, or a hurry to get back.

The other Quartzes continued to eat and gossip. Jasper leant against a tree with her eyes closed, and listened silently. Even though she was slowly coming to like being around the other Quartzes, she still didn’t want to participate in senseless gossip. Although she was impartial to listening in.

“Did you guys hear about how Steven is leaving soon?” 

Steven was leaving? That was probably for the best, he didn’t want her to serve him. She was focusing on getting around to the corrupted gems. Plus she seemed to be making more progress away from him.

So why did it still hurt to learn he wasn’t going to stay?

“Oh yeah! In a few days, he’s gonna check out different... what did he call them... states? Then set himself up somewhere else.”

“Surely he’ll still visit though.”

“Oh yeah, I mean, I still visit the colony I was made in.”

“What about you Jasper?”

Jasper opened her eyes to look at Zebra. “What about me?”

“You ever visit the colony you came from?”

The gems around her started laughing. “Very funny...” Jasper closed her eyes again. “Besides, the thought never crossed my mind.”

“Wow, the great Jasper cracking a joke. Never though I’d see the day.”

Jasper rolled her eyes, even though they were still closed.

It wasn’t much longer until Amethyst came back. “You guys are still lazing around.” Jasper opened one eye to see her with her hands on her hips, shaking her head, with a smile on her face. “Don’t know what else I expected.”

“Hey why don’t we play leapfrog again, Ocean and I didn’t get the chance to last time.”

This game of leapfrog didn’t go as smoothly as last time, not that it ended up too well. But it was a lot more fun.

While lining up, Jasper saw how the other Quartzes would hang off each other, and purposely try to knock each other over while walking or just standing. They don’t mean it in a violent manner, but as a physical form of friendly banter. 

While crouched on the ground, Jasper heard the coming footsteps from behind her. The louder thud of the large gem landing on the ground, two lighter steps, and a pause of the steps and a grunt from two or more gems before the louder thud again. 

Jasper shifted to the side after the second footstep so that Zebra fell to the ground instead of touching her shoulders. 

Zebra hit the ground hands first, and rolled onto her side, looking at Jasper. Jasper decided to flash her the trademark Quartz toothy grin, and Ocean had turned around just in time to see it.

Zebra was more shocked at the sight of Jasper smiling like that, than her fall. She laughed, and told Jasper she was going to pay.

When it came to Jaspers turn to jump over the others, she made sure to pay more attention to how Amethyst was smaller, and change how she jumped over her to make sure she didn’t make the same mistake as last time. 

She figured that Zebra would move out of the way like Jasper did, so instead of aiming for her shoulders, Jasper prepared for her hands to land on the ground. 

Jasper couldn’t help but laugh at the quick glance she took at Zebra after she didn’t fall. It almost made her misstep and knock into Blue Lace, but she managed to get a grip on her shoulders and jump over her. If it had of been Amethyst she probably would have made the same mistake as the first game.

She took her spot at the beginning of the line, and didn’t try anything. She knew Zebra would be suspicious, so she thought she would throw her off. Zebra ended up stopping completely before jumping over Jasper.

“Come on Zeeb, I thought we were trying to be fast.”

“You didn’t complain when she was messing with me!”

“That’s because it was funny.”

If Amethyst thought it was funny that Jasper was messing with Zebra-

When Amethyst took her next turn to jump, Jasper waited to hear her footsteps loud enough for them to be right behind her. She had to take three steps instead of two. 

She began to stand up as she heard the third footstep. She stretched her arms above her head as she felt Amethysts body crash into her back. “I stand by my comment of this game being dumb.”

It felt good to hear the others laugh at something she did when she had the intentions of it being a joke.

She turned around to make sure Amethyst was okay. It’s ironic that she was making sure that the runt wasn’t genuinely hurt by something she had done. Amethyst was laying on the ground, her arm covering her eyes, but not the grin on her face.

Jasper turned back around to see Ocean with her fist in her palm, a toothy grin on her face. “I think we need to teach this pebble a lesson.”

Jasper only had enough time to raise an eyebrow, before she was tackled to the ground by Zebra and Blue Lace. Then the other Quartzes joined in.

Her instinct was to push the Quartzes off of her and fight them, but she has found herself having to ignore a lot of her soldier instincts lately, so why not do that again? What’s the worst that could happen?- If she gets dissipated she’ll just reform. Plus it’s not like shattering, even if accidental, is permanent anyway.

She was right to ignore her instinct. They weren’t trying to hurt her, they were just being rough. Being Quartzes.

Joking around, rubbing their closed fists against her scalp, softly punching her, telling her she was a pebble. At some point someone shouted “Down with the earth gems” which resulted in a defensive “hey” from Amethyst, before she was targeted to be tackled as well.

Instead of fighting back, Jasper just laughed. Her smile was big, and her laugh was just as loud.

She felt happy. 

...

Jasper stood in a building that Bismuth had taken her to. There was a new looking avail in the centre of the room, and various weapons and pieces of armour strung on the wall.

Bismuth and Blue Pearl stood across from Jasper. Pearl had her back to Jasper and was looking at some paper that Jasper couldn’t see properly. But Bismuth was looking directly at Jasper.

“I’m glad you made it! I hear you’ve been getting around lately.”

“Might as well if I’m stuck here.”

Bismuth laughed. “That’s the spirit.” Bismuth took a step closer to Jasper. “Come on then Jasper, show us your piece. I can’t bear to wait much longer.”

She squinted her eyes. “Am I to assume you mean my helmet?”

Bismuth nodded with enthusiasm. Jasper looked down at Pearl, who had left the papers and stood next to Bismuth, her attention on Jasper. She was clutching her hands together in front of her gem, and back at Bismuth who was doing a similar thing.

Jasper phased her helmet. It felt unnatural to summon her weapon when she had no intentions of fighting. Era 3 was making her do and say many things that didn’t come naturally to her. 

Bismuth looked like she had stars in her eyes. “I can’t believe you kept this from me for so long Jasp. This is absolutely amazing! Do you mind if I take a closer look?”

Jasper shrugged. “Go ahead.” Jasper stood stiffly and silently, as Bismuth circled around her, analysing her new helmet. If she thought she felt embarrassed when Connie had talked about her helmet, she was in for a shock.

“Helmets are for defence, and I don’t need to tell you that Quartzes were given axes so they could have an offensive weapon too. Not that it ever stopped you guys from using your defences as offences.”

Jasper began to tune Bismuth out. She could feel herself close to blushing from a mixture of embarrassment of this type of focus being put on her, but also some pride in her helmet. It wasn’t the helmet she was made with, it was a helmet she had designed. 

She looked over at Pearl, who was standing nearby, looking at Jaspers helmet, but analysing it in a different way. She smiled at Jasper she she noticed her staring. Jasper cleared her throat loudly, she wasn’t going to let herself blush just because a couple of gems were giving her attention.

“What’s the matter Jasp?”

She felt like she was being observed by an Agate or a Peridot after being freshly emerged. Her form and exit hole being analysed to see how efficient she would be at her purpose as a Quartz. 

Admittedly, by the time she had gotten around her her initial inspection, she had already proven herself by taking out multiple crystal gems moments after she emerged. But that didn’t make her inspections any less uncomfortable, it was one of the only things she was happy to leave behind.

“Nothing... So, weapons, huh?”

Bismuth laughed. “Yep! I love making weapons, outfitted the entire rebellion during the war. I’m sure you’ve seen some of my handy work.”

Jasper crossed her arms and put all her weight onto one leg. “So you’re the one I can blame for that.”

Bismuth spread her arms out and bowed her head. “The one and only.”

Jasper found herself smiling. She looked around at the various weapons on the walls. The designs were impressive. She could tell Bismuth wanted to continue discussing her helmet. 

Jasper sighed, and decided to do something she had never done. She unfolded her arms and reached her hands to her helmet, slowly taking it off, and holding it out to Bismuth. “I assume it would be easier to analyse this way?”

Jasper mostly just wanted Bismuth to look at her helmet, without her feeling like she was the one being started out. 

Bismuth took a deep breath in, and held her hands to her face before taking the helmet in her hands and examining it silently. The silence made Jasper feel even more nervous than Bismuth monologuing her thoughts.

“You have managed to bring a more offensive element to your helmet, and it is truely beautiful... would you mind if I make a blueprint of the design?”

“Go ahead.” Jasper didn’t know what a blueprint was, but she assumed it would take the focus away from her.

Jasper watched as Bismuth and Blue Pearl looked at the helmet together and started recording its design on paper through different diagrams and sketches. Pearl must of been analysing the design to see if she could draw it.

“You still build more than just weapons, right?”

“Of course! Weapons are my hobby, my passion, but you’re joking it you think I’d let little homeworld get built without me! Why do you ask, Jasp?”

Jasper hadn’t come to see Bismuth just so that she could have a lot at the helmet. “I don’t know if some of the others already do this, but I have a suggestion. For it to be organised more efficiently though, we would need to build a new area for it. Well... it would be more logical to.”

Bismuth and Pearl looked at each other and smiled. “We’re listening.”

...

The morning sunlight woke her up, her room was filled with a dull orange light. The light in the room slowly became less dull, so Jasper decided to walk downstairs. She groaned, she felt exhausted, but her body felt fine?

She pulled the stool out from the table, and sat down on it. It wasn’t long before Jasper folder her arms on the table and buried her head into them. She wasn’t sure how long she sat like that when she heard a knock at the door behind her. 

The noise hurt her head, but it was a quiet knock, so she knew it wasn’t one of the Quartzes. She opened the door and had to shield her eyes from the light that came flooding in from outside. It was now fully bright outside.

Connie stood at the door. “I’m surprised you’re here. I thought you were going to track the corrupted gems?”

“I am.”

“That’s not what I’ve heard...” Connie went to tell Jasper what gossip she had heard from the other gems around Little Homeworld, but stopped herself when she looked up at Jaspers face. “Jasper, are you okay? You look exhausted.”

“I’m... just tired.”

“Well, I’ll let you rest, you look like you need it. I can come back around tomorrow?” Connie went to turn around before she decided against it. “Don’t forget that you don’t have to do something extravagant everyday, you’re allowed to take days off.”

Jasper groaned and rubbed her face, the light was overwhelming. “So, my purpose for today... could be to rest?”

“Definitely. Do you want to rest alone? I could keep you company if you want... but I also won’t stay if you don’t want me to.”

“It’s not that I specifically don’t want your company, I just...” Jasper rubbed her face again instead of continuing. She want sure what she was going to say.

Connie laughed and put her hands in front of her. “Hey, I get it, rest well Jasper. I’ll come by tomorrow to check in.” Connie walked off before Jasper could respond. Jasper can’t tell her not to visit, if she isn’t there to argue with.

Jasper closed the door and sighed to herself. She walked back upstairs and gently laid herself back down on her mattress, pulling the blankets over her head and rolling over to face the wall.

It really was okay for her to take a day off to take care of herself, even if taking care of herself meant having a nap after waking up.

She stayed in that position until the next morning, feeling no desire to get up after waking back up.

Early afternoon, Jasper found herself sitting at her table, glasses on, with Peridot having placed different Earth materials on it, explaining them to her.

“Earth technology is primitive, but there are some positives! For example, if you accidentally release a virus, you only effect a world wide system, not an interplanetary or intergalactic system!”

“This doesn’t look like technology.” Jasper looked down at the various pens and pencils Peridot placed on her table, next to a spiral bound notebook.

“Well, this is just... Earth stationary. I heard about how you’re going to poof the remaining corrupted gems, and thought you could set up your own log book! To help you keep track of everything.” Jasper kept getting distracted by Peridot’s hand movements, constantly motioning between Jasper, the table, and herself, as she spoke.

“My memory is sufficient.”

“Yes, you may be correct, but I spent enough time with you on that ship to know you’re not very cooperative, you prefer to work alone, and like to ignore protocols when it suits you, when you think there’s something more important-“

“Get to the point, Peridot. If I wanted you to analyse my previous behaviour, I would have asked.”

“What I’m saying, is that the Crystal gems will want to check up on you every now and again, and you could show them your logs instead of having to talk to them. That way you can continue to do things the way you want, without being interrupted as much!”

There was a knock on the door. “Speaking of being interrupted...” Peridot rolled her eyes at Jasper as she got up and answered the door.

“Hey, is Peridot here?”

“I am here! Assuming you mean me, the most important, and loveable Peridot.”

“You’re literally the only Peridot I know.” Connie raised her eyebrows as she gave Peridot a grin. “I’m going to have a chat with Jasper. Steven, Lapis, and Bismuth, are waiting for you at the top of the tower, Peridot.”

“My calling is here, I must leave.” Peridot began to walk out the door while talking to Jasper with her back turned. “I’ll be coming back to explain more about stationary and other earth means of reporti-“ Jasper shut the door.

Connie was sitting on the smaller set of stairs, resting her back on the wall at the top of them. “You feeling much better today?”

Jasper ignored the question. “Is it true that Steven is leaving tomorrow?”

“Yes. I actually just came from the temple, we were talking about it.” Connie laughed. “He hadn’t even told the gems yet. He’s telling Peridot and the other two right now... Wait, how did you know about it?”

“It came up in a conversation the other day. I’ve been doing stuff with the other Quartzes basically all week.” Jasper rubbed the back of her neck.

“Oh I know! I’ve been told about how you’ve been playing sports, and talking to other gems! Bismuth said that you’ve even suggested setting up an arena for gems to spar! Sounds like a wonderful idea.”

“I was explaining how my old territory is a good place to spar. It’s close enough to little homeworld, but also far enough to avoid damage of the main buildings.... A large enough area to build something for it.”

Jasper yawned, she didn’t do that much, it felt weird. “I know I still enjoy fighting, so I assume some of the others would too. Maybe even teach some other gems who weren’t soldiers how to fight. Humans too? Although maybe not using the same methods.”

“Yeah, we get hurt a lot easier than gems... But that still sounds good! I know I loved learning how to sword fight.” Connie put her hands together in front of her mouth, and then pointed them towards Jasper. “Maybe gems should undergo certain training before teaching humans, though.”

Jasper nodded. That was probably the safest bet. “Bismuth said that she wanted me to help her build there, while I’m not tracking down the gems. Since it was my idea. She was enthusiastic about the idea and said she definitely wanted to have it set up. Apparently she likes sparring too.”

“Please tell me you said yes!”

“I’m still deciding.”

“I think you should help build it! It could be good for you when you’re not tracking down the gems, to have something else to focus on. That way you’re not stuck on the same thing all the ti-” Connie’s phone buzzed, she had gotten a text. “That’s probably my mum.” 

She unlocked her device and read the message. “Damn it, I was close, it was my dad. I have to go now, just wanted to check in on you. Let me know when you make a decision!”

Jasper nodded as Connie made her way to the door to leave.

“Wait, Connie.” She stood in the open doorway and turned to look at Jasper, who took her glasses off and gently placed them on the table. She didn’t want to break them, like she had come to break many other fragile things made on earth. “Thank you.”

“For?”

“For being as stubborn as I am... I mean, you have been stubborn in a good way.” Jasper shrugged and broke eye contact. “You’re a good friend.”

Connie smiled. “You’re not so bad yourself.”

Jasper sat at the top of the staircase after Connie left, her back facing the mirror. The door to the balcony was open. If she focused, like when she was tracking a gem down, she could hear the gems at the top of the tower talking and crying.

Minutes went past, and she couldn’t handle hearing them anymore. Everyone here seemed to cry a lot more than necessary.

Jasper sat down at her stool at the table and looked at what Peridot had left her for her log dates. She picked up a pencil and opened the note book, she didn’t even finish writing the first letter before the led snapped from too much pressure. Her frustration cause her to tense slightly, and the snapped in her hand.

She looked down at the broken pencil in her hand. This was definitely not made for a gem of her size to use. Jasper couldn’t understand why Peridot thought it was a good idea for Jasper to handwrite a report log, surely even though she was an Era 2 gem, she knew about how atrocious Quartz handwriting was.

She began to laugh at herself. She didn’t feel angry that she had broken the pencil, and she just couldn’t help but find that funny.

She heard footsteps outside. They didn’t belong to any Quartz. It was unlikely they belonged to any gem, as the steps were softened by some sort of physical material. It was rare for the gems to wear physical shoes, they found it easier to make clothes than footwear to fit the gems.

She wanted to say goodbye to him. 

Instead of trying to control her impulses, she head-butted the wall next to the covered window. Without summoning her helmet. She walked through the hole she made, crossed her arms, and leant against the outside wall of her house.

As the clouds made by Jaspers sudden movements settled, Steven turned to see her. He looked surprised. No one is prepared for someone to break down a wall next to them, not all the time.

“Heard you’re leaving...” She didn’t wait for a response before she uncrossed her arms and stood at her full height. “I’m coming with you.”

“Jasper, I’m going alone.” His voice was kind, but his smile was awkward, uncertain as to how the Quartz would react.

“Then who will protect you?” She balled her hands into fists and raised them in front of her, subconsciously trying to show that she was still willing, and strong enough, to protect him.

Steven put a hand to his chest, and raised his eyebrows. “I can protect myself.”

Her chest felt tight with disappointment, a sigh left her as she slouched. She looked down, away from Steven. “I know.” She shouldn’t feel disappointed, she was too busy with the other Quartzes, and her plans to hunt down the corrupted gems to go and be any help.

She suddenly became enraged at her disappointment, and at the fact she asked in the first place. She had been using her strength more in in the last week than she had in the last four months, which meant her impulse and subconscious desire to be physically aggressive was coming back. 

She hit the ground and turned away from Steven. Unlike previously in her life, she knew not to use her strength on others, while trying to express her emotions.

She turned away from Steven, and hit the wall next to where she had just created a hole, again not bothering to summon her helmet. She calmly walked back inside her home, only after deciding Steven deserved to know that while she was apparently hoping for a different answer, one she knew she wasn’t going to get, she still respected his decision.

“Farewell, My Diamond.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve enjoyed writing this so much. It was my first time writing in a fair while, and my first time writing fan fiction.
> 
> I’m super excited to draw a lot of these scenes, and have been so happy to see all the positive feedback telling me you guys like the story. It makes me incredibly happy and I honestly can’t wait to write more because of it.
> 
> You’re all great, and I hope you like the ending.


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